A FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO PRAISE GOD

My God you are amazing to me. You are constantly on my mind, even when I try to hide from you. Where can I go that you are not there? When I sleep, I dream of You. When I wake, I think of you. You absolutely, completely, never-endingly blow me away!

Father, you knew I needed a God who WOULD blow me away. You knew I was a cynic, and arrogant, hyped up on my own intelligence. You know how I used to look at others, and KNOW they weren’t as smart as me, or as nice as me, or as driven as me. And then You came, and blew me away. You became my perspective, my holy point of view. With Your eyes and understanding, I saw a man, a very little man, without any hope at all. I saw this man searching for answers, because he had worn out everything else he had sought to learn. I saw him running for the truth, and looking in wrong places. Then, I saw him fall down, at your feet, and begin to surrender. I saw me.

Father, I am at a loss for all that has passed, for there is no explanation. The things you have shown me, the gifts you have given me, have all reflected Your Face. Oh, and what you have taught me!!! I do not even know how much it all is, or where it all begins. My studies cannot account for what you have made me know. My heart isn’t big enough to feel the love I feel. My flesh is not strong enough to do the things You have me do.

I sit here with tears, because I can’t praise you enough! I want to, but I know that what I say here isn’t worthy. Please make it so, dear Yeshua. Please add to my weak words what I cannot. I really, really want to praise you. I’m tired of singing lies! I’m tired of using “Christian lingo”. I want it to be REAL!

May You make my life a living symphony to You. May You make my heart a pool to pour forth from, for those who don’t know You, and for those who just need some hope. When someone needs to bleed, let it be me. Just please don’t let it be someone I love. And if it has to be someone I love, then give me the way to help them through, as You helped me through. Only please don’t let them be alone.

You are my reason for living. You are my reason for dying, so help me please die to myself. Let me run into the freedom fields of Your love forever. Let me fly faster than the speed of light. Let me speed my way to You whenever I have run away. Thank you for being my God, my awesome, HOLY God. So different and OTHER you are than anything else. Beyond description or understanding, You are.

Teach me wisdom, Father, because You are wisdom, and I am not. Teach me love, Father, because You are love, and I am not. Teach me miracles, Father, for you are miracles, and I am not. Grant me peace, Lord, for you have it to give, and I do not.

Do You see, Lord, how you are everything, and I am not? Do you know how I love you even when I sin? How great must be the mark you have placed on my soul, for I could not choose to love You this way. How much of everything you must know, to know that I would be here tonight, crying out to You, trying to praise You with words, when my heart already does. This heart belongs to you, Lord. Do with it what You will.