8/30/2004

DOES IT NEED A TITLE?

How many people did I see today? How many of them knew Jesus? How many did I allow to walk by without bothering to find out?

At least if I didn’t bother to find out, did I let my light shine in such a way that they would praise my Father who is in Heaven?

If I didn’t even do that, did I at least by my actions not drive anyone further away from Jesus? Did I, in the end, have a good day?

Did I encourage anyone today? Did my words or actions lift someone up, or did I tear people down?

Did I give of myself today, to anyone, in any way?

Did I take an extra step at work today, doing something I knew I wouldn’t get paid for, nevertheless, doing it because I felt driven to be the best I can be, without worry of reward?

Did I have to be asked?

Did I complain if I did any of these things? Did I make a fuss, or did I just do it, hardly being aware that I was doing anything out of the ordinary?

These questions I have just asked, I am ashamed to say I rarely ever ask of myself. These questions are questions I want to be able to answer, “many, yes, and always” to. Somehow, there are only a few I can say “yes” to, and others I can say “sometimes” to. But I can’t say “many”, yet, not even once.

I am not satisfied. I am content, but to me, contentedness has more to do with circumstances, than it does with my faith. I am not satisfied.

I will not walk the rest of my life not being able to answer affirmatively to these questions. Something is going to change. My heart longs for more. More courage to speak out. More faith to believe and share. More wisdom to shine this light brightly.

I don’t want garbage, anymore. If it’s not real, then I don’t want it. If it isn’t going to last eternally, then I will think twice about doing it. I want to be the best I can be, at whatever I do. I don’t care about money, or accolades, or reward. All I care about is You, Jesus. You have overcome the world. It’s time for me to follow.

Yeshua, Son of God! I am not hiding! I am right here. You have known that all along, but have I? For I feel as though I have lived this faith in hiding. Thank you for the change, Yeshua. Thank you for life!!!! Thank you for a second life!!! Thank you for all of the pain, and the joy. Thank you for hiding pearls in oysters. Thank you for burying diamonds in caves. Thank you for exposing my weaknesses, and for making me to realize how much I need You. Thank you for swimming out to me, when I was drowning in my sin.

Above all, I am thankful, Yeshua, that you are God, and I am not. Thank you for this humble position in life. Thank you for making me neither wealthy nor poor. Thank you for providing just in time, and just enough. Thank you for keeping your covenant, and for not holding me responsible for breaking my end of it. Thank you for understanding that I am weak, yet always encouraging me to grow. Thank you for knowing me.

This, I will share. This I will deliver to those who have not the reasons to thank God that I have. Be it by pen, or by mouth, I will share it. This light, which you have given to me, and told me to call it mine, is shining. I will use it to make people warm. I will use it to give light in the darkness. I will use it as a sign, and as a roaring bonfire in the January cold. Then, I will thank you again.

One thing more. Yeshua, you will know what I have done, because I will not, and I am alright with that, too. If I do many good works, and never receive credit for them in heaven, it is enough just to be with you. I have longed so desparately just to talk with You face to face. That is enough, Jesus. I don’t need anything more, but I need that. Amen.

2 comments:

Tom Reindl said...

Elaine,

Have you tried "tapping" it with a hammer? Maybe a sound beating is all it needs?

Tom Reindl said...

TD,

Thanks for the encouragement. Also, my daughter is a musician. She is twelve, and she playes piano and flute. She also wants to learn how to play drums. Not quite sure how that fits in with piano and flute, but then again, I'm not a musician. Well, take care.