TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-SIX

Tip of the Day:


If smoking is now banned on airplanes, I suppose my zippo lighter is too?

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-FIVE

Tip of the Day:


Never stick your finger into a light socket, unless you're trying to see what's in there.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-FOUR

Tip of the day:


Standing up in the middle of an airplane and shouting, "Stay away from me!" isn't going to get you a better seat.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-THREE

Tip of the Dat:


Washing your eyes out with a caustic solution is really only a drastic last resort for changing the way you see yourself in a mirror. I don't recommend it unless you really, really want to.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-TWO

Tip of the Day:


Slinging mud about things a political opponent has done in the past isn't very nice, and probably won't win you an election. It's much better to make up current stories about them.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY-ONE

Tip of the Day:


If someone sees you picking a nose booger, you might as well let them see you eat it, too.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FIFTY

Tip of the Day:


If your boss yells at you today, roll your eyes up into your head, and make sure he sees you do it. When he gets angrier at you, patiently explain that there is a reason you rolled your eyes up.





You better have a good reason waiting.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-NINE

Tip of the Day:


Never use "Wite-Out" if you are going for the living dead look. Lead-based paint works much better.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-EIGHT

Tip of the Day:

Working forty hours a week leaves you with 128 hours to slough off. Now how do you feel about Mondays?

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-SEVEN

Tip of the Day:


Don't be afraid to be someone else if you don't like yourself. Or...is it, "Don't be afraid to be yourself if you don't like someone else"? Now I'm confused!

Talk amongst yourselves.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-SIX

Tip of the Day:


Contrary to popular opinion, you can make a career out of watching fire sprinkler pipes for leaks eight to ten hours a day.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-FIVE

Tip of the Day:


Never spill Clam Chowder on your computer mouse, no matter how hungry he is.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-FOUR

Tip of the Day:

When paying your electric bill with pennies, always make sure to get a receipt.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-THREE

Tip of the Day:


Pushing the envelope doesn't necessarily make you a United States Postal employee.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-TWO

Tip of the Day:

I often tell customers, when I am using my rotating laser level, not to let the laser touch any part of their skin, or they can suffer third degree burns wherever the laser touches them. Maybe you should try it, too.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY-ONE

Tip of the Day:


When considering whether to purchase a tank or not, there are several influencing factors that need to be addressed. The first is how much you like your neighbor. The second is gas mileage. Do they make a tank that can serve dual purposes? What is it's safety rating? Can a family of five fit comfortably? Do you get the model with, or without passenger side air bags? What color options are available? Can you get a leather interior?

And finally, how many cupholders will it come with?

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER FORTY

Tip of the Day:


As a blogger, if out of one hundred posts that you have written, eighty-nine are "rants", chances are you might not win the "World's Most Cheerful Blogger" award.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER THIRTY-NINE

Tip of the Day:


When you buy Microsoft software, and they give you the product key to install the program, they never tell you that it doesn't come with a key chain. You have to figure that out for yourself....or have someone really, really smart, like me, tell you.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER THIRTY-EIGHT

Tip of the Day:


If you want to impress someone, don't tell them you are thinking about getting neutered. That's personal.

TIP OF THE DAY NUMBER THIRTY-SEVEN

Tip of the Day:


Never wear two left shoes if you have to make a whole bunch of right turns.