CONFORMED TO TRUST

I am coming to a new understanding of my reason for being here, on this earth. As you know, I have been struggling a bit lately, but not in a major way. This is how it is whenever I am being stretched by God. Things of a shallow nature, the temporal, bother me more than I should allow them. It is during these times that I become blinded briefly.

Let me just say that this blindness isn’t something I seek out. I think it just happens, maybe by God’s hand, maybe by something else. But the end result is always the same, growth and conformity to the image of Christ. I wish I could see that right away when it starts, but I think it is impossible for me to do so. To see it right away, I would think would allow me to surrender to it more rapidly, but then again, that is the mind of a man speaking, not the mind of God speaking. So I have to temper my opinion with the fact that I don’t understand everything.

There is so much I am seeing right now. Circumstances, thoughts, dreams, and other things are all pointing to a destination going in one direction only. Yet there is much I don’t see. People I have met, what is their purpose in my life, and what is mine in theirs? Things I have learned beyond my studies, things God has taught me without me being aware, what are the purposes of these things?

You see, I can’t see what God sees, but one thing I do know; He always reveals what He wants me to be about. I am finding some very great comfort in that right now. You might even call it joy, were it not for the anxiety over the unknown also. My heart, though it be filled by the Spirit, is still human, and I waver in courage sometimes. Even then, Jesus gives me peace to face what I will face, even today, as I do not know what I am about to face, if anything.

Patience and trust will bear the answers I am seeking. I do not like not knowing what God is planning. I don’t have to like it. I have experienced enough of Him to know that whatever it is will one day find me saying, “thank you” to Him.

I find it comforting that God knows, and that He is preparing me for whatever I have to do long before it is due. Whether it be to sweep the floor, or speak the gospel to many, I do not know. I do care, though, but trust means that whatever it is, even if it hurts, I will still love and follow Christ.

Saying that makes me think of all the people I love in this world. Will God use one of them? Will He allow one of them to be hurt, or to die? Will He use someone I know? Or will He use circumstances and things? Everything being His, I trust He knows what He is doing.

That’s why the hard doctrines like predestination do not bother me. It’s not that I am heartless towards those who are lost, I truly want all to be with me in heaven. But that is not my decision to make, and I do trust that God knows what He is doing. Even when it hurts.

I don’t know of any other way to be conformed to the image of Christ. He suffered, and He trusted. I have suffered, and my trust has grown. And now, God is teaching me to trust Him before any pain comes, IF any pain comes, and that sort of tells me that pain will one day again visit me in a most piercing way. It may be one day soon.

Will you be there when it happens? Will I be there for you, if it happens to you? These are the questions in my mind right now, and I think they speak very loudly of a trust that God is building in all of us, without our help.

We are here to love another, and to shine the light of the gospel into a very, very dark place. Trust will allow us to go where others wouldn’t go, and hope will help us bring some out with us. Thank you.