SEPARATION

What is at the foundation of our searching?

All people search. We seek answers, we seek truth, we seek purpose and meaning. We seek other things as well.

What is at the root of all this searching?

What is the crux of the human condition? Is it sin, as we have been told? Well, look for yourself, in your own bible. Try to find one statement where God says the human condition is sin, and all of our problems can be traced back to that. Did Paul ever say it? Did Jesus? Why do we perpetuate an idea that has no foundation in the gospels or in the epistles, neither in the psalms or the prophets? Why, when we are asked, do we answer, “It’s because of sin”?

“I feel empty inside”, one man might say. The Christian answers, “It’s because of sin, because sin is the human condition.”

There is a great mention of sin in our own bibles. But I have been finding an even greater theme in my bible.

The theme I am pondering is separation and reunion. Wow! It’s all over the place.

When I leave for work in the morning, every morning, I kiss my daughter’s cheek as she sleeps. I feel separation. When I pick her up from school, I feel reunion. I know of no greater joy than that reunion with my daughter.

All this “pondering” has led me to wonder if the real human condition isn’t separation? When I talk with people who are hurting, the number one answer I hear is always, “I feel so lonely”. That response comes up more than any other. I do not hear them say, “I feel so sinful” or I feel so guilty.”

“I feel lonely”.

In America at least, loneliness is a common theme for many people. I wonder if it hasn’t always been. Some people might not claim they are lonely, they may have a different name for it. But this I know; our society feels lonely. Our world feels lonely, even with five billion souls living on it. We pay huge amounts of money to scientists to find the truth. We search the skies for life. We search the world for the beginning of life. We search space for the beginning of everything.

We hear our own thoughts inside of our minds, and yet we do not understand the thoughts of others, though those thoughts are often the same as ours. We hear the words “Love your neighbor as yourself” and try as we might, we just can’t do it. We can’t feel what they feel unless we make great effort, we can’t relate to their heart, even though we know very well what’s inside of it; it’s the same stuff that is in our hearts. We try to love, and often fail, and yet when others fail us, we cannot understand how they could have.

Logic would dictate that all things being equal, the commandment to love others as if they are us should be a slam dunk. After all, as different as we are, we are all very much alike. We have the same thoughts, we all share the same emotions. We all know what it feels like to be betrayed, or hurt, to be loved or to be sad. These emotions and experiences are not unique to each individual. We all share them. And yet to love everyone else as if he were me is not a slam dunk.

The fact is, my mind rarely makes the connection that my neighbor might be me. I am guessing that I am not unique in this.

I feel a separation from my neighbor. I feel one with myself; I do not feel one with him. I am aware of myself; I think about myself almost constantly. Again, I do not believe I am unique in this. And amidst all of this is the world screaming that we should embrace our individuality. Yet when tragedies occur, if we were embracing our individuality, the pleas for helps and mercies would fall on deaf ears. After all, what is the one suffering to me? I am individual from them, distinct in my own being. Separate. Complete.

But there is the lie. I am not complete without my neighbor. I am fooling myself if I think I am. I am separate from him, and incomplete. And I am finding, the more I search, that separation is a much larger problem than we have ever considered it to be.

It happens everywhere, even in churches. In the church, we are supposed to be the most accepting people in the world, yet often we separate people according to their “sins”, because “sin” is the human condition. But the message of Christ isn’t one of sin, but of acceptance, of reconciliation and reunion.

I may be wrong; I have been many times before. But I think the human condition is separation. We feel separated. That’s why we seek, that’s we try to find answers and truth and love. We look for meaning and purpose because on our own, we feel separated from everything around us. We feel individual, even separate from God, who supposedly lives within us.

The message of Christ is inclusion, acceptance, and love. I believe God created us to be together, with Him. I believe his death and resurrection showed this to be true, and ever since, we have been learning how not to be reunited with everyone and everything else.

STATISTICS

There are times that scientists and sociologists make statements that are maddeningly generalized. Sometimes these statements begin to have legs of their own.

I believe such a statement was made on Sixty Minutes tonight. I didn’t note the name of the man who made this statement, but he said that according to statistics, the more older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay. Just like that, matter of factly, he made a statement that I believe will have legs.

The interviewer asked, “Really?”

He answered, “Really!” emphatically.

I have three older brothers. I am not gay

My little brother has four older brothers. He is not gay. Yet according to this man who was interviewed on Sixty Minutes and his statistics, I and my little brother stood a real good chance that we would end up gay. My guess is, if this man knew how many older brothers my little bro and I had, he would call us statistical aberrations for ending up as we did. Psychologists might start asking us if we were being honest about our sexuality…after all, how could statistics be wrong?

Let me explain how and when statistics can be wrong, and let’s then use this post as a sort of precursor to my series, “Why I No Longer Trust Modern Science”.

I do not have data to back me up in this instance, so I am going to be up front and tell you that the following statement is a completely wild guess.

My guess is that the statistics this man was citing were woefully unrepresentational. My guess is, his statistics are based only on families that have gay men in them, and that families of straight men were not polled. Now I understand that this is an awful large guess on my part, but you need to know that science does polls that are not representative of the whole quite often. And, quite often, statistics then become skewed toward a certain opinion, or guess, for lack of a better word.

America is inundated with statistics every day. From mortality rates to birth rates, and everything else in between, there seems to be one statistic or another attached to the events and leanings of our lives. Scientists make statistics for the possibilities, and then publish their findings to an eagerly awaiting audience. If this audience only knew that the statistics they are reading about might well be biased to lend authority to a theory, how much credibility would we give to these statistics?

Here is a true statistic. In a family where no one is gay, there is not a chance that anyone is gay. Some would argue that point. According to the man on Sixty Minutes, there is a real good chance that I or my brother will be gay. I say…not a chance.

Now, lest you think I am bashing homosexuals, let me explain clearly that I am not. I am merely using a readily available example of what statistics really mean, and what the “experts” sometimes claim they mean.

I realize that my family isn’t representative of all men in every family. I also realize that poles and studies are often biased in efforts to prove a presupposition. Several years ago, a study was done which claimed that homosexuality was genetic, and that a person was predispositioned to be such based solely upon his DNA. Not surprisingly, many lay people still believe this is true. I don’t know what ever happened to that “study”, but I do know that it is no longer considered valid by most scientists.

It should have been obvious from the moment the statement was made. After all, I know of several examples of identical twins where one is straight and one is gay. Identical twins share the same DNA. How would it be possible for one to be gay and not the other, if genetics dictated a person’s sexuality? Yet the story of this study showed up on the front page of many major newspapers, and for that moment, was accepted as truth. The statements made grew legs, and here we are.

Seriously, how can we go from a study which PROVES something to be true, only to find out later that it isn’t? And how can the normal person, who isn’t Einstein, figure all of this out for themselves?

Sociologists and scientists bear a heavy burden, but I don’t think they understand the exact nature of that burden. Science is a pursuit of the truth, and many scientists would tell you that truth is the burden that they bear. Here is where they are wrong. The burden they bear is that they have been raised into a position to discover the truth, and in their pursuit of it, they must remain people of honesty and integrity, never succumbing to the temptation to falsify data and discoveries. That is one huge burden, and as I said, I doubt that most scientists realize that this is the real burden they bear. The pursuit of truth is lost completely once integrity and honesty are no longer the rule and not the exception.

In my thirty-eight short years, I have seen more “studies” and “proofs” exposed as fraudulent than I care to count.

Remember the story several years ago, about how a human being had already been cloned?

What ever happened to that human being?

Beware of men bearing statistics and probabilities, for the statistics they bear often only represent what they want to represent, and the probabilities they cite are often only probabilities that have not taken into account every influencing factor.

Many scientists are as influenced today by money and prestige as they are by actual truth. Sadly, the same can be said for religion, which should be altogether different, but is not.

Where are you going to go for truth, when it seems like it’s for sale to the highest bidder?

INTERVIEW

I went for an interview today. Yes, I am considering going back to being a project manager, and leaving my business to a much different version, as in, almost never.

In case you didn't know it, a while ago, I was a project manager for a construction firm in Milwaukee. My end of things was more management and sales than construction. This new job I interviewed would be a discipline of more construction and management, and very little sales. I think I like that a lot more.

Still, I don't think I will ever say no to someone who wants me to do some finish carpentry work for them, so long as it isn't too huge a project, if I take the job I interviewed for. I enjoy the aspects of doing something very well, something few people can do well, and doing it because I love it. Not everybody gets to love their job. I have been blessed because I have loved just about every job I ever had (except for that teenage stint at McDonalds). That love is what drives me to do the job well. It isn't the excitement, it isn't the pay (most definitely not the pay when you are a carpenter), and it isn't the prestige.

They say love covers over a multitude of sins. I think love also covers over a multitude of boredom, dirt, and sweat. If I take this job (if I am offered it), I know I will love it, because I loved it before. I am familiar with it in the sense that in some ways, I never really stopped managing projects, when you consider that I still manage all my own projects.

I guess in the end, love is all that really matters. Stars and rocks don't love me, but I love them. Wood and projects don't love me, but I love them. The job isn't going to love me; in fact, if I recall correctly, this job will likely try to own me. I won't let it. I'll just love it, and in that, my identity will be safe.

We'll see what happens, but of this there is no doubt; Love will win out.

RESEARCH CHRONICLES

I currently feel like a college student again. I am working on two different Blogpost series right now, and both of them are swallowing huge amounts of my spare time due to research. That’s okay, I like researching and finding the truth about statements made, facts given, and sources quoted.

One of the best things about libraries is public funding. There are so many books available to research from, that it is mind boggling, and after a while, you just have to choose the amount of research you can honestly undertake. But all of these books are available, and woudn't be if I had to buy them myself. Then there is the internet, which in itself is a veritable gold mine of information, although to be honest, it can be difficult to find enough good information to make any sense of it because many of the articles are so short or merely quotes from a larger article that isn’t available online.

Altogether, I must admit; I like researching better than I like writing…and I like writing a lot. I could spend days reading, cross-checking, and following leads that I have found examining books and articles.

These two Blogpost series are indeed intriguing to me, because so much of them pertain to my life prior to knowing Christ, when I thought I was on the cutting edge of science information and proving the idea of Christ false. Obviously, my life took a different turn. It is simply amazing to me to see how different my beliefs are now as opposed to then. This has been an adventure, the research I am doing, showing me where I was, where I went, and where I am now. It’s sort of like a chronicle of my young life, and I look forward to sharing some of the results with you.

PROMISES

Is 45:23 "I have sworn by Myself, The word has gone forth from My mouth in righteousness and will not turn back, that to Me every knee will bow, every tongue will swear allegiance.”

Many Christians claim this verse is a threat.

I think it is a promise.

What do you think?

CRACKED!

Three times today I walked out to my truck, from the same side, and didn’t notice it. On the fourth trip, I couldn’t miss it; a cracked windshield, starting from the pillar on the passenger side. I shook my mind in disbelief, and moved to run my hand over the smooth glass. I wanted to feel the crack, and find out if I could determine what had caused the ten inch crooked line across my windshield. Try as I might, there was no evidence of an impact to be found. I checked for the little pits that one sometimes finds; pits that would have been caused by a small pebble bouncing off the glass. There was no mark in sight.

Jimmy the Doorframe couldn’t believe his eyes, either. He mentioned that he would have noticed such a crack, because he had been sitting in his truck directly across from mine just an hour earlier. His next comment was one I was dreading, but one I knew my mind would eventually arrive at. “There goes three hundred bucks”. I can always trust Jimmy to come to the point of things quickly.

“But how?”, I asked myself. How could this perfectly clear windshield have cracked with the truck just sitting here? Had I slammed the passenger door too hard? I racked my brain briefly before recalling that no one had even used the passenger door today. I rechecked the crack, again trying to find something that would signal the source. After a few seconds, I gave up, realizing that the glass was irreparably cracked, there was no clue as to how it happened, and I was going to have to pay several hundred dollars to fix it.

I went to my office and called the AAA insurance agent hoping that by some miracle, cracked windshields would be covered without a deductible having to be paid. No mystery there; my deductible of five hundred dollars would apply, and it wouldn’t benefit me to report a claim. I resigned myself to the fact that this broken windshield without a known cause was completely my financial responsibility.

While still in my office, I decided to call around for estimates to have it replaced. Can someone tell me why discovering the cause of a broken windshield is such a big mystery, while finding out how much it is going to cost is not? Something seems unbalanced about that.

I called three services, and the first two were within five dollars of each other, the lowest being Two-hundred-eighty-five dollars. The third one must have been the charm, because he got the job.

The total for my new windshield which I didn’t even want to need? Two hundred-twenty-five dollars installed. What a way to spend that much money. It would be wonderful if my truck’s windshield was one of those really old ones; you know the kind, with little chips and deep scratches all over the place. But my existing windshield was perfect, except for the big crack. It’s a pity, really, to throw away something that was so nice aside from one small area.

Oh well, it could have been much worse. Truck and car repairs can sometimes cost people thousands of dollars. As I sit here typing this story, I find myself glad and thankful it was only a broken windshield, even if I never find out why it cracked.

ARGUMENTS SUCK

I have done a thing I am not proud of.

A friend of mine is experiencing a new road in his life, and he joined another friend and began writing on that friend's blog. Did I welcome him back? Did I support him?

No. Instead, I attacked his beliefs on his own blog. I thought I was right to do so, and I still can't believe it took me so long to figure out that I wasn't. If I am a friend as I claim to be, well...friends don't do that.

I still have a lot of trouble with my stubborness and my inclination toward argument. And all it ever accomplishes is tension and the probability that I hurt people with my words.

I should have just said, "glad to see you back". But this was no accident. I argued from the moment I got to his blog. So on some level, I intended to cause tension.

I feel as though I have intruded once again into this man's thoughts and tried to make him feel as though his thoughts and beliefs were inferior. And it's just wrong.

There is no wise ending to this blog post. I just don't want to cause tension like that anymore. This world is hard enough without people attacking everything you say. He deserves far better. I am sorry I didn't respect his freedom to express his beliefs. Eddie, I am not a good example of Christ.

JUST SOME HUMOR

I heard a great one yesterday. A friend of mine told me,

"There is no way that evolution is not true...just look at my daughter, she is nothing like her fat, loud mother."

When asked what evidence this gave toward evolution, my friend answered, "I don't know, but hadn't we all better hope evolution is true? Otherwise, we'll keep producing mother-in-laws and ex-wives. Now who needs that?"

If you have to have a reason to believe something is true, I guess maybe that's as good a reason as any. :)

DREAMS

My daughter has a dream. She dreams of becoming an archaeologist one day.When she talks about it, she gets the same look in her eyes that she has when she talks about music. She doesn't know that she has this look, but anyone can see the joy and hope in her eyes.

I imagine she feels good, heart-good, when she thinks of archaeology. I believe she envisions being somewhere in the Middle East, or climbing the steps of a pyramid, unearthing history...she dreams. Her dreams give her a purpose, and from those dreams, she draws ambition and plans on the same canvas.

Her imagination is vivid with the details of her future work. Anticipation courses through her veins as rapidly as the blood that flows within them. She is alive, fully alive when she is dreaming and hoping, making plans and wondering at the memories she will one day make.

"That they may have life, and have it to the fullest."

I believe a full life includes not just the past and present, but dreams of the future. I believe that people dream of the future when they allow themselves to hope. A life is not as full as it can be when hope is stifled. Hope is the stuff of our dreams, and the foundation of our future possibilities.

Do you have dreams? No matter how old you are, or how much you have experienced, do you still dare to dream of impossible things, and all of their possibilities?

LOVE WASHES OVER A MULTITUDE OF ANGER

I was thinking about something while writing a letter to someone who had betrayed me a long time ago. As I was writing, I made the statement, “When you betrayed me, you betrayed yourself.”

I wrote that just before I was about to write “That’s why it’s better to sacrifice oneself, than to cause someone else pain for the sake of our happiness, because when we sacrifice others, we destroy what we thought was true about ourselves.”

That led me to ponder God, and some things Jesus said.

I am left wondering if that is why God sacrificed Himself instead of us. If God were to destroy us for the sake of His own rightness, would He cease being what He claims to be? Would He cease being love? Would He ever have been able to be love in the first place? Anger, rightness and love are all things He has been called. But anger doesn’t mean a lack of love. Rightness does not mean a lack of love. Love stands by itself, and is only love if it is lasting.

Of course, the ramifications of this are huge. If it is true, then everyone would benefit from God’s mercy, not just a few. For how could God betray Himself; is it even possible? Or does Love mean forever? Is God angry yet loving? And if He is, will love win out? I believe God can be angry, in fact, I can’t see how He couldn’t get angry. But I believe He is love, and love washes over a multitude of anger.

I LIKE BLOGGING

Lately, I am very grateful for this blog.

I think I should rephrase that: I am very grateful for all of the people who read this blog. I am also very grateful for all the poeple who contribute by way of their comments. But even if you don't comment, still, I am very grateful for you.

You see, you have given me a reason to write. Not that what I write is needed or great or any of that. It's deeper than such shallow reasons. It's about love. I love to write, and although I may never be published, or even be good at writing, still, I love doing it. Because of you, I feel accepted, and willing to share a few of my thoughts. I am sure I would write somewhere else even if I didn't have this blog, but writing here feels like I am talking with friends, and I don't receive that anywhere else I write.

So, thank you, all of you, who stop by here and visit electronically. You have enhanced my life, and we just don't do that very often for people. I hope in some way, your life has been enhanced because you came here, too. You have made writing fun for me, and there's no price tag anyone could put on that. You all make this blog better than I ever could alone.

BE SOMEONE WHO QUESTIONS

As human beings, we tend to think that whatever we believe is the truth...right up to the moment we believe something else.

A fellow blogger made a brief statement about questioning things and not just accepting them wholesale. That statement reminded of something I had been pondering for a few days, but never got round to writing about it.

I guess the best thing to do here would be to just say what I was thinking about. And that thing I was thinking about was about being a questioner, a person willing to discern for himself what seems like truth, and what doesn't. As I was thinking about these things, I realized that throughout my life, the only time I had really felt empty was when I was unwilling to question what I thought to be truth.

Itr goes much deeper than that, though. It was in those moments, you see, that I simply refused to dig for the truth. I refused to question what I thought I knew. In short, I felt most empty when I let others do my thinking for me, when I took their word for truth, rather than finding out for myself.

There have been many of these times in my life. I am glad to say that over the last five years or so, that has not been the case. It's no wonder to me then, that I do not feel empty or lost. Confused at times, maybe, but I don't think confusion is a state of danger for the human heart or the mind. In fact, many times, it is confusion that drives me to seek the truth even more.

We have such an incredible capacity for information within us. We have an almost unexplainable ability for learning, even at my age. I find that when I am learning, when I am walking this path of life seeking the answers myself, I am happiest. No one can explain to me why that is. I can't open up the bible, and find the answer. I can't open up a science journal, and find the answer there.

But when I am alone, in the quiet, I hear the answer in my mind. I don't really care if this voice is mine or God's, you see. The fact is, this voice only exists at all because someone else's voice hasn't brainwashed me into believeing what they want me to believe. This voice may or may not be God's voice, I couldn't tell you for certain. But I know this one thing. This voice is inside of my head speaking to me, and to no one else. This voice is meant for my ears, and what I hear are words and thoughts that only I understand at this moment.

I think people each have a voice like this inside of them. I don't think people hear this voice well amidst all of the noise of our world. That's just an opinion, not a proven fact.

Still, I don't hear this voice when I am lazy, and unwilling to find out for myself.

There, I said it. Thanks to a statement by a fellow blogger, who had no idea those words would remind anyone of anything, I have been reminded, and now I have shared it with you.

Don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

It is not the cross that has given us forgiveness. Rather, it is the resurrection which PROVES that forgiveness. Think about it.

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE

Let’s face it, we all do it. We all like to see how people are coming to our weblogs. Out of sheer curiosity, I checked how they come to mine tonight. Here I thought they came because they like what I write.

Maybe some do, but by far, the most interesting reason I found was a person who was searching for “How much profit do drywall companies make?”

It’s nice to be humbled every so often. I don’t even advertise that I do drywall work, mainly because I can’t stand working with it. Which leads me to wonder why my weblog came up on a search for drywall company profit? I have no idea.

There were other searches, and visits from people all over the world. Again, it’s nice to be humbled, and being visited by people from around the world is one sure way to humble me. I don’t deserve it, don’t they know any better? Maybe someone should tell them.

Then, there were the regular people who visit me, and for all of you, I can’t tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad to be able to talk with people I can’t visit in any other way than through this medium. You all have enriched my life beyond explanation. Thank you.

I am reminded of something I read from Brother Lawrence once. I don’t recall the exact words, but the gist of it is God is with you all of the time, what need have you of special prayer times and worship moments?

If I could hope anything for all of you, it would be that you and I spend the rest of our lives fully realizing that very fact.

THE LITTLE BOY INSIDE

This morning I woke up knowing I had to take a shower. But I didn't want to. I just wanted to go to work (which often times seems more like play these days) and get on with the day. Taking a shower seemed like a drag and an interuption that just shouldn't be necessary.

When I was a boy, I didn't like taking baths. They always came at the most inopportune moments, like when I was in the middle of playing a game of basketball with my brothers. Mom couldn't help it, she just wanted her children to be clean. I, on the other hand, couldn't understand why a boy couldn't go for weeks, even months without a bath. It just seemed a waste of time. "I'm just going to get dirty again, Mom." I would always answer.

That's how I feel this morning. Oh, not to worry, I took the shower. But that little boy inside of me kicked and screamed all the way.

And so I ask myself, what is it about the little boy inside of me who refuses to die?

We are all still children inside, wearing haloween masks that look like adults who have it all together. When does this masquerade party end? I think the child inside of us hopes it ends as soon as possible, so he can get back to the serious business of playing without anymore adult interuptions.

Go ahead, feed the little child inside of you. You can't kill him, ya know. He's been there all along, and when the mask of adulthood is gone, that little child you once were will still be healthy and alive.