HAND ME THE EFFING ADJECTIVE

Today was a much better day, and I give a warm thank you to all who prayed for me.

I am going to be working on a post regarding the reasons we don’t “evangelize” with everyone we meet. However, that won’t be tonight. Instead I'd like to post about something that one finds at any normal construction site. Here goes.

It appears that all adjectives and adverbs have been replaced in the English language, at least the language found at a construction site. We used to use the word big to describe something that was large. When we wanted to measure something, we would describe it as long, or short, high, or low. In the cases of color, we had striking colors, plain colors, hot colors, and cold colors.

If we happened to have a good time doing something the night before, we would say that we had REALLY had a blast. And, if we had to go get a certain tool, we would grab the HAMMER drill, or the MITER saw.

Do we need any of these adjectives or adverbs anymore? I like to think we do. However, I am at a jobsite where all of them have been replaced with one word. Can you guess what that word is? Do I have to type it? Alright, we’ll use a replacement. Let’s call the word “effing”. So, from here on out in this post, when you see the word “effing”, you will know what I am referring to. If you do not know what word I am really referring to, email me, and I’ll tell you.

I was setting some framing this morning, enjoying the basics of my job, when I heard this “conversation” taking place right next to me.

Bob: Hey! You got the effing drill?
Sam: I effing thought you effing had it!
Bob: I aint effing seen it! What the eff did you effing do with it?
Sam: Eff if I know. Ask effing Bill, he effing had the effing drill last. Eff it all!
Bob: That mother effer. Where the eff is he?
Sam: How the eff should I know? Hey. You effing wanna help me with this effing hole. I can’t hold the effing saw, and see where the eff I’m effing cutting half the effing time.
Bob: Did you effing measure it first? Here, use my effing tape measure. It’s effing accurate as all effing hell.
Sam: You got one of these mother effers? Holy effing excrement, Batman! These are effing nice!
Bob: I effing know. It only effing cost me…effing twenty-five effing bucks. What a effing deal!
Sam: Ummm, it’s effing twenty-three….and three effing eighths….can ya effing hold the effing saw while I effing try to keep this cord from effing us all up? (Hey!! That was a verb!!)

By this time, I was just laughing! I honestly didn’t know what else to do. I’m not going to say, “Um, gentlemen. I never knew the word eff was an adjective. Thanks!”

What does one say? Usually, I am on the jobsite near the very end, where the trades speak in a more civilized tone (never can tell when the owners might show up, after all, wouldn’t want them hearing the eff word now, would we?) But, on this one, I’m doing framing, too, and that means I get to be there for all the fun.

So, I have decided not to say anything. Yes, I also hear God’s name taken, and Jesus Christ has somehow picked up a middle name with the word eff right in it. That one hurts. But, here is my plan. I am going to affect the little area I am in every day, by talking the way I always talk, using good English, and being polite. I will treat them all with respect, and I will utter nary a word about their “effing” language. Think they’ll notice?

I hope they do. I pray they see such a difference in me that they’ll ask. I pray the light I shine will bring the Son into the darkness. It is very dark here, in this not even half finished building. The light is very low, and the darkness has had its way for far too long. It’s time to pray, and to change that by the hand of God, if He is willing. I want them all to remember this project for the rest of their lives. I am already so fond of them all, regardless of whatever adjectives or adverbs they use. These are the tradesmen who build the buildings you go to work in. They will be the salt of the earth, because I’m going to spread a little salt myself. Have a blessed evening.