IF HANS UND FRANS WERE EVANGELISTS

The following is just another thing you might find inside my head at any given moment. As you might know, Hans und Frans were Saturday Night Live regulars for several years. For those of you who don’t know Hans und Frans, they were two ridiculously huge men in grey sweatsuits, with thick German accents, who pumped people up. Let’s listen in as Hans und Frans try their hand at evangelism:

Hans: I am Hans
Frans: Ya, und I am Frans
Both: Und we are here to pump…………you up
Hans: Ya, und we are huge
Frans: Ya, but if you want to be really huge, then you have to know Jesus. No one can pump you up like Him.
Hans: Ya, He is absolutely huge!
Frans: Ya, und we are here to tell you all about Him.
Hans: Ya, like how He could clean jerk ten thousand pounds over His head without barely even breaking a sweat!
Frans: Ya, hear me now, und think about it later, but whatever you do………..hear me now!
Hans: Ya! Hear him now!
Frans: Ya! Und did you know that Jesus is our brother?
Hans: Ya! How else could we look so much like Him? Absolutely huge!
Frans: Ya! Not like the puny, little, girly Christians who only wish they were huge like us.
Hans: Ya! But if you want to be like us, then you have to know Jesus like WE know Jesus!
Frans: Ya! Hear me now, und think about it later, but whatever you do……….hear me now!
Hans: Ya! You don’t want to be puny like all the little people who don’t know Jesus like we do, do you?
Frans: Ya! Und you don’t want to have flabbulence in your heart, do you?
Hans: YA! Whoever has flabbulence in their heart is a girly man, und is not worthy of the kingdom of pumpulence.
Frans: Ya! After all, either you know Jesus, or you are a girly man. You don’t want to be a girly man, do you?
Hans: Ya! So you better hear me now!! Know Jesus, or else we will take your flabby little spiritual muscles und wrap them around your body, und put you in a very hot place!
Frans: Ya! Hear me now!! You don’t want to go to the girly man place. So you better hear us now!!
Hans: Ya, because we are huge, und you are not!
Frans: Ya! Und only Jesus is huger than us.
Hans: Ya! Und while you are at it, you better start pumping up!!
Frans: Ya! Because if you don’t, it means you don’t really want to be pumped up, und who wouldn’t want to be like us?
Hans: Ya! So know Jesus like we know Jesus, or else!!
Frans: Ya! Und pump up, or else!
Hans: Ya! Because otherwise you are just a puny, little, girly man. Und who wants to be a puny, little, girly man?
Frans: Ya! Whoever doesn’t know Jesus wants to be a puny, little, girly man, that’s who!!
Hans: Ya! So know Jesus like we know Jesus, or else we will have to visit you, und MAKE you know Jesus, und while we are there, we will pump you up!!
Hans: Ya! So………..Good night!!
Frans: Ya! Und make sure you are at our upcoming seminar, titled, "How to know Jesus like we know Jesus, und become huge like us!" Be There!!
Frans: Ya! Or else!!

Hmmmmm……………

Who would argue with Hans und Frans? Maybe they are the two witnesses spoken of in Revelation? : D