I have come to the conclusion that I do a lot of internal whining.

I can fully relate to Peter at the end of John's gospel, when Peter asks Jesus, "What about him?", in reference to what will John do, or what will happen to him. In the past, I have often wondered, "Why me?" "Why not someone else, why do I always....?" blah, blah, blahblah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Recently, I am learning to follow in a different way, and it is a freeing way. Rather than frequently asking God about someone else's disrespect of me, I am finding courage to ask God how I can respect them. (I bet you thought I was going to say "How can I disrespect them before they disrespect me?", didn't you?) The result?

I FEEL more free. Whether I am or not, I think, doesn't make all that much difference. A friend of mine said recently that reality might very well be what we make of it. So if I feel more free, am I really? Who cares?

This feeling stems from finally taking responsibility for myself, rather than constantly blaming someone else. Instead of me wondering whether Muslims love people better than Christians, my focus is instead on how I am loving each one-another. And you know what? I don't have to force it, because once my mind is changed to that focus, love is a lot easier. So a part of my conclusion is that love must almost be impossible when I am focused entirely on me, and on what I am receiving, good or bad.

Who would have thunk, huh? :>)

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