WHY AM I HERE?

I have been reading tonight. For the first time in a long time, I spent several hours reading other people’s blogs, and it was marvelous, hope-filled, and saddening, all at the same time.

When I first started blogging, I didn’t really know why I wanted to, other than to use it as an avenue for writing. Were my hopes that I would be read? Of course I hoped to be read. I don’t know of any honest writers who don’t want to be read. But that wasn’t the only reason for writing. I wanted to polish what few skills I had, and explore the world in a way that a few years ago was closed off to me, and everyone else.

Tonight, I am beginning to understand why I am here. I had a glimpse of this a while back, but I never followed up on it, so it was lost to me, for a time. But tonight, I am beginning to understand. I’m not only here to write.

Fine, then why am I here, and why is this blog still open? You know, Brett has been hinting at this for several months, and I haven’t been listening. Just last night he was saying what an incredible vehicle (I can’t recall if he actually used the word vehicle or not) my blog was for reaching people. He is more right than he knows.

However, it’s not because of the mind boggling number of people who visit here daily. If you pay attention at all to the statistics at the bottom of the page, you can clearly see that this blog draws about thirty-five to forty visitors a day, if that. I used to be concerned about it, but recently, I just don’t care. It’s not that I don’t appreciate all of you who visit and comment. I love all of you, and have enjoyed blogging with you immensely. Not only that, but when you consider the comment – to - visitor ratio, my ratio is higher than all of the mega-blogs. You all are one thing above all, willing to speak your mind, and you have no idea how thankful I am, and how much you all have taught me.

But that ratio has me thinking lately. If one out of every eight or so people who reads this blog comments, there must be some sort of a feeling of community going on here. I don’t know why I am so blessed to have so many people willing to take the time to talk with me, with us, but don’t you ever, for even a moment, think that I do not notice it, and feel absolutely honored and blown away by it.

So, how does that tie in with why I am here? Please allow me to explain. I have not written an extremely long post in a while, but this one is shaping up to be a marathon. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, because I know you all have better things to do than read some long post written by a guy who gets thirty-five visitors a day.

I think the reason I am here is to help people back toward community. There, I said it.

If you could look inside of my head, and then inside of my heart, what would you see? Would you see you? I hope so. Now what the hell does that mean?

It means that no matter how different we all are, we are really quite the same. We all share the same feelings. We all know what it is to bleed from our hearts. We understand the feeling when someone tells us about joy in their life. We know how to laugh, and how to cry. We all are in the same boat, this ark of humanity.

I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post having read many blogs tonight. Several of them came crashing down upon me. Thank you to Feeble Knees, and Brutally Honest, today, for being honest and open. Thank you previously to Messy Christian, my first experience in reading about spiritual abuse, and the resulting betrayal of her church.

There are too many more to list.

Isn’t that the saddest, most depressing statement regarding spiritual abuse and the loss of fellowship over it? There are too many more to list? What in this world is going on with the church?

I am not here only to write snappy little stories that draw hundreds of visitors every day. I am here because I love encouraging people, no matter who they are. I have longed to tell people about the love of Christ, and here I am!

No matter what the corporate church is doing, no matter the denomination, so long as I draw breath, I will tell people the truth, and I will not hinge it upon standards of conduct. I will not allow anyone I know to be abused without telling them the truth, that the abuse is a pile of crap, and that those who abuse in the name of Christ are not bearing the fruit of the Spirit.

Jesus said, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily laden, and I will give you rest.” Where is the rest in the church?” Where?!?!

How is it possible for we who claim the name of Christ as our own to cause even one to leave a church weary and burdened? And then to say that these who have left because of abuse must have been backslidden!?! This is the evil of our age.

I have heard many times believers hearing a story of a person caught in sin, and saying, “Well…I doubt that they were ever REALLY saved” in that know-it-all, condescending, I'd- love- to -smack- the- self-righteousness-off-their-face way. To any who would say that to, or about someone else, I say this, “What will you do, so that I can say the same about you?” And, if you think you won’t do anything that could cause someone to say that, believe this; there isn’t a believer in existence who is not full of absolute depravity in their flesh. Not even one! So, no one must be saved, huh?

I am here to level the field. I have never met a good Christian, and if those who say such things give me but a moment, I can prove they aren’t good Christians, either. I am almost broken-hearted over the words BELIEVERS use against each other. I would be broken-hearted, if not for the drive and hope Christ has placed in me to do something about it.

As I sit here, I think of how absolutely horrid a man I am, without Christ, and in my flesh. I wonder, how can anyone not know this of themselves? And if that is the truth, that we are ALL putrid in our flesh, how can we not give grace to every single person we meet?

This body, the Body of Christ, was never intended to hold such self-inflicted wounds. So I am going to do what I am here for. I’ll keep this blog up, because it lends some credibility to what I am really here for; To encourage and love the hurting in the body of Christ.

Someone is going to love you guys, and it’s going to be me. I don’t care what your theology is, or your denomination. I don’t care if you have visible sin, or hidden sin. I don’t care if you told your church to go to hell, or if you are still there. I am going to find you, and then I am going to give you grace, love, and encouragement. That is why I am here.