I had to lay off a young man today, because there wasn’t currently enough work on the jobsite for him to do. I hate it.

I don’t ever know what to do, or how to do it. I have a choice as to who I lay off, and the three guys I have working with me right now are all guys I want to hang onto. They all work hard, and get along, which is rare. Usually, workers get along, but don’t work hard, or work hard and don’t get along. I have been blessed by this rare combination for two months, and today, it started to end.

Young Aaron, whom I mentioned in a previous post, recently enjoyed the birth of his son. He also experienced being laid off today, and I don’t know what else I could have done. Of all the people who could be laid off, he is the one who can least afford it, yet the other two guys, Jimmy the Doorframe, and Casey both have more experience, have been with me longer, and are better able to work unsupervised. Aaron is a raw talent, with very, very little experience, and while I enjoy teaching him, when things slow down, the job can’t afford to have someone who needs supervision and teaching, it’s as simple as that.

And yet I can’t help but feel like all I really did was make a business decision. A good business man would applaud me for removing my emotions from the decision, but somehow, I don’t feel like my emotions have been removed. I feel like I’ve just misplaced them momentarily. And…it sucks.

What is he going to do? How is he going to support his family? I am told by some that it isn’t my problem, and I want to tell them, “eff off, what do you know about this?”

I was about to ask a stupid question just now. I almost asked, “How do you learn to not care?”

Know what? I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THAT! Even if caring feels this awful, I don’t want to know how to do this job without caring. I’d rather be dead.

Aaron doesn’t deserve to be laid off, and I wish I could keep him, I wish I had a friend who I could call and say, “Hey, I got a guy….got anything for him?” And that friend would answer, “Yeah, send him over”.

Ahh, but am I just trying to make myself feel better?

All I could do this afternoon was pray for Aaron. I think I even challenged God. I know, a good evangelical Christian never, ever tests God.

Guess what, He can handle it.

I just told God that I know Aaron has faults, and I know his “lifestyle” isn’t what some would call “deserving”.

But he’s deserving to me! I think he deserves to work, to be able to support his family! I don’t care what he does wrong! Hell! I do wrong every freaking day!


Please? God, please?

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