I like to believe I am intelligent. However, in just a brief moment this morning, I paused for a second, and thought, “How many questions I have!”
For someone who is supposedly intelligent, I sure do ask God a lot of questions. Which leads me to my next one. Do I know more than that which I do not know? “Impossible”, my mind screamed, “There is so much you do not know, that you can’t even inventory everything you do not know.”
Alright, then do I focus on what I know? Or do I focus on what I don’t know? My heart is silent on this. My mind says, “Focus on what you don’t know! You already know all the other stuff, why bother relearning it?!”
Yes, you are getting a glimpse of a conversation my mind carries on with my heart. But this conversation is a bit out of the ordinary. Normally, I wouldn’t be worried about what I don’t know, I’d just take it for granted I do not know it, and set out to learn about it.
However, some things are beyond a mere intellectual exercise. Some things, I am finding, I have to rely upon God for, completely. There is one such place in my life right now, where I am totally in the hands of God, on a journey where if I try to manipulate, or try to step beyond what I know, I will be buried. But I love these times where I have to rely fully on God. I know nothing about what I am doing, thus praying and waiting seem to be all I can do. Yet there is this peace about it that could only come from such trust.
Do I trust God? Yes!! How did I ever get to such a scary place? How did I ever lose so much control? How have I gotten here, Lord? How have I come to a place where I don’t care what I know, I only care about trusting You? How do I feel so safe, in such a dangerous place?
You see, that’s the map I want to follow, in all areas of my life. I am not even close to using this map yet, for everything. But there is one place in my life, unnamed by my choice, where without God, I am lost, and I know it.
So you see, knowing I am lost is the key to trusting God. And once I know I am lost, once I trust God, I know I am safe, no matter what the outcome.
I am wisest when I admit I know very little, but my mind keeps wanting to say I know a lot. It tries to give me examples of what I know. Thank you God that the world doesn’t respond to my mind with examples of what I do not know. I’d never have time for anything else, if I had to listen to that list for the rest of my life.
My mind can be my enemy, I have learned this. I know that if I do not bridle my thoughts, if I do not harness my intellect, it will lead me to a pit, and I will fall. It is better to inventory what I do not know, than to count what I do. KNOWING can lead to arrogance, not that it is wrong to know.
But, in the end, I have found that it is good to know some things, so long as my mind is bridled with the reins of ignorance, those same reins which tell me, there is so much more that I do not know, that I should just be thankful the Lord has allowed me to know anything at all.
If you are wondering why this post was written, maybe it’s safer to admit to you that I don’t know.