WHERE SHOULD YOU BE RIGHT NOW?

I left the following as a comment at a friend's blog, and I thought I’d share it with you all. Not that I am tooting my own horn, but I think the question inside of this post is a good question each of us might ask ourselves.

Why do you think you aren't "where you should be"? Besides the fact that you envisioned some "fantasy" about where you would be as a Christian, where exactly should you be right now?

Is God surprised? And if He isn't, is there something wrong with Him, too? Or does He really see the real place you should be?

This Kingdom living isn't all peaches and cream, brothers and sisters. The last thing we need is to judge ourselves, badly. I have met so many who feel just like you do, that you should be this, or you should be that.

Well, what exactly should you be?

Possibly, you aren't going to like this answer I give you.

You should be a child. A child without pretense, a child who doesn't wear masks, a child who definitely needs her daddy so she can be fed, clothed, coddled, and kept alive, at the bare minimum.

Yet whenever I talk with believers, even many who say they are free, the common theme of their lives is, "I should know better", or "I have a lot to learn, too."

All these things are terms we use when we measure success. Tell me , does a child measure success? Or is she in it for the glory?

When my daughter was young, she only played when everything was alright, when she felt safe. In fact, I always knew she felt safe and loved, if she was playing. She stopped playing when things weren't right, and had to have them right in order to feel free enough to play. Otherwise, she had to be near me. She'd check in to see that I was there, or she'd plop right into my lap, and hug me for a bit, and I'd hug her back, and talk with her the way only Daddies can. Then, she'd be off playing again.

As her father, I never loved her less just because she left me to go play. In fact, I knew she felt secure because she played. I loved the moments when she would come see me, and show her love, but I also loved watching her play. I still do.

So, where should you be ?

HOW IS THAT DONE FOR YOU?

This post is in answer to a question a good blogging friend asked me.

The question was, how is the mystery of the contradictions in the bible solved for me by the One who knows?

That question came as a response to something I said about not solving the contradictions in the bible by my own doing, but that it is done for me by One who knows.

This has all come about through a seemingly ongoing discussion regarding the errancy or inerrancy of scripture. Please be informed that I am not setting out to prove the inerrancy of scripture, I am only proving the trustworthiness of the modern bible, all of it. And I do not do this to sacrifice anyone on the altar of right. This was requested of me, and so I decided to answer.

So, how does God solve the mystery of the contradictions in the Bible for me? To answer that, I have to tell a bit of a story. Please bear with me. I do not believe my stories are worthwhile for you to read, but in this case, it is necessary.

I did not come to know Jesus through an “Evangelical” gospel. I pretty much came to know Him in a very lonely manner. Even before I knew Him, I started reading the Bible, the entire Bible, taking an intellectual approach to it. I wanted to know as much as I could about this thing we call the bible, you might say I was drawn to it. Since the first day I began reading it some seven years ago, I have not stopped reading it. It is always one of the books I read daily, even though the other stuff I read may change daily, the Bible maintains its place in my life.

Reading this book we call the bible isn’t a discipline, to me. As I said, I am drawn to it, and to not read it leaves me feeling empty. But don’t take that one sentence, and make that the thrust of this essay. Reading the Bible isn’t a necessary thing for me to do. It’s just what I do, and I can’t imagine not reading it. But I no longer read it intellectually. I no longer read it to learn of stories and psalms and prophecies, even though I certainly still learn from it. By now, I have read the thing so many times, there isn’t a story, a psalm, or a prophecy I haven’t seen many, many times, and most of the them I can photographically place on the page in my mind. But that’s neither here nor there. It just gives you a bit of background into my experience with this book.

As I said, when I first began to read this book, I didn’t really know Jesus. But I knew of Him. So I read the Bible, starting with Genesis, but also simultaneously reading the four gospels, because to me, the story of the bible is summed up in the gospel. I remembered that much from my learning as a young Catholic. It would have seemed like drudgery to me, to read the beginning of the Bible, and not get to the gospel for a long time. That is why I decided to read it the way I did.

Someone once mentioned to me that “No one comes to the Father except through me”. Upon hearing that, I remembered where I had read that, and was struck by how I could have missed the implications of that. Still not believing, I continued in my pursuit to read this Bible cover to cover, intellectually. However, something was happening. I began remembering things I had read for the first time, and how they seemed to fit with things I had read before in this book. I began reading faster, not wanting to stop, not wanting to miss out on the wholeness of this book I was engaged in. Prior to this, every attempt at reading the Bible had been drudgery, to say the least. It bored me stiff.

But now, I began to understand the things Jesus was saying. I began to see the truth He was preaching, and this mysterious Kingdom He kept talking about intrigued me to no end. So on I read, into Acts, into Romans, and into the rest of the letters of the New Testament, right alongside the books of Deuteronomy, Leviticus, psalms, proverbs, and the prophets. And I saw even further how it all tied together, not as individual pieces of literature, which is how I had always viewed this bible in the past, but as a whole, a one piece puzzle.

My life, at that time, was getting more complicated. It seemed Jesus was everywhere, I could not escape Him. Even as I was intrigued by Him, I was bent on rejecting Him, believing I was sufficient, that somehow, I would figure out just how good I had to be to “earn” salvation. But He wouldn’t leave me alone. What I read during the day stayed with me at night, and what I read during the night stayed with me during the day. And everywhere, Jesus! At work, He was there, at home, in my car, outside, on signs by the road, on the medias, wherever I was, He was telling me something. I ran from it as best I could, but somehow, I couldn’t stop reading this Bible.

Having the blessing of hindsight, I now know that I was becoming a witness to my own salvation. Regardless of what I did to try and reject Jesus, I couldn’t complete the task. I thought the idea of one man dying for my sins, and thus saving me was ridiculous. But I just couldn’t put the Bible down, I couldn’t reject the truth I found, and no matter how hard I tried, I could no longer justify that Jesus wasn’t the only way to the Father. Nothing I did toward the end of rejecting Jesus ever worked, and I found myself steadily drawn toward Him.

I am a witness to my own salvation, not a participant in it. Having said that, maybe now you can understand that I am also a witness to the truth of the modern bible, not a judge against it.

I was asked how God solves the mystery of these contradictions for me.

I gave up.

Jesus drew me, I couldn’t fight it, and so I gave up. I didn’t choose Jesus, to say that would be a lie. I just stopped fighting the truth, it was wearing me out. But once I gave up, my eyes began to see more truth. I began to see that an intellectual approach to this Bible was only one way to read it, and that there were other ways.

I began to re-read the bible, not as an intellectual tool, but for enjoyment. And it has been this way ever since. Certainly, there are times I read this book to learn something, times when I want to know what a certain man said, or what a certain psalm says. But for the most part, I now read the bible for enjoyment.

And through that enjoyment, answers to the questions I have always come. "Contradictions" such as Jesus being God and man are not contradictions anymore,and lets face it, that’s the biggest contradiction in the bible. If you get past that, you can get past anything.

But let’s take this more to the physical aspects. When I tried to approach the Bible intellectually, all it did was blow me away intellectually. I couldn’t “figure it out”. I tried to make sense of places where I thought things didn’t seem to add up, and the harder I tried, the more confusing it became. I am not saying the book itself does this, I think instead, it is God who does this, because possibly He desires that any endeavor we undertake to know Him should include enjoyment, not fact gathering. If you attempt to put your hand on God, He will elude you. It is our heart that is the only place that can hold God. How strange this is, since the heart is such a small place, or so it seems.

So to approach the Bible with the mind of a man is not wrong, but it won’t solve any mysteries, either. If you want to know how to solve these mysteries, you are going to have to surrender your mind to God, and let Him flow within it. You won’t solve anything by taking an intellectual approach to the words written in that book. You may learn something, you may gather facts, but you will not solve any contradictions.

The word of God speaks as loudly to our heart as it does to our eyes and ears. I am living proof of that, this man who had one, maybe two people even mention what Jesus did on the cross. I am a witness to the power of that written word, which before it was written, was spoken to many before me. I think part of the problem with claiming that certain parts of the Bible are not scripture, while others are, is that we tend to intellectualize our approach to this book, and when we do that, our heart disengages, for whatever reason.

There are errors in the Bible. Let’s face facts. But these errors have not lessened the impact, or the truth of the message, as a whole. And if we can trust God, and what He says, those errors might just enhance the message. After all, isn’t He God who says that through weakness and imperfection, He makes perfect?

Trust that, but don’t trust your mind more than that. Trust God, and trust this one final thing, for it is the seat, the foundation of what I have come to know about the New Testament letters, which have been the basis for the ongoing discussion regarding inerrancy and what is, or is not, scripture. On the night before He died, Jesus made a promise to His disciples. He promised them that the Holy Spirit would remind them of EVERYTHING He said, and would teach them ALL things. This is a promise you can trust was fulfilled.

So, when the disciples wrote their letters, they didn’t write it with their best understanding. Rather, they wrote their letters with Jesus’ best understanding of what the gospel was about, because He had fulfilled the promise He made to them. There isn’t even a chance that this is not true. That’s how I start reading these letters, with trust, not suspicion.

If you have been looking for a “method”, I am sorry to have disappointed you. I don’t know of any method that will solve this problem for you. But I also don’t have to worry about contradictions anymore, the Bible truly does verify itself, for the one who is willing to accept it. Maybe that isn’t enough for you. I can’t help that. I know what my experience is, and it cannot be shaken. No amount of evidence can disprove what I know, because I did not come to know what I know through fact gathering, and intellectual exercises. I came to know them through the mind of Christ, just as His disciples did. So that's how God solves it for me, through the mind of Christ.

Don’t read this modern bible trying to prove something. Read it for enjoyment, enjoy the wholeness of it, how it interweaves within itself, and most of all, enjoy God within it. He is not bound by the words, but He will meet you within them, because He loves to talk with us. The Bible is just one of His tools for doing so.

And it is, in its complete, modern form, trustworthy. I know this like I know I have to breath to live. There is no doubt, and that kind of trust cannot be built through intellect. It takes something else, or should I say, Someone else? You can rely on your intellect if you want, but it won't get you very far when it comes to this modern bible. For the word of God is far deeper than the shallowness of our minds.

I AM LONELY TONIGHT

I am lonely tonight. I just had a good cry, and I’m not afraid to admit that, even as a man. I was expecting my daughter to be with me tonight, and she isn’t able to be. I don’t know what it is about expectations that can crush our spirit so.

I could say I should know better, but in the midst of my tears, I felt Abba whispering, “Let them all out, Tom, don’t hold back.” As if He expected this, and planned it. This is the first good cry I have had for a while, save for yesterday, which was only a steady stream of silent tears as I listened to a young woman who comes to my church building tell the story of her husband's death. So tears two days in a row. Not bad, considering I don’t think I have shed tears in many moons.

Actually, I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me for the lack of tears. I was feeling as if I had lost some compassion or something, maybe I was becoming the same heartless, cold person I used to be around the age of twenty. But listening to that young lady tell her story opened up the valve a little, and tonight, the dam burst.

I feel better now, having felt God’s presence in my tears, not that the loneliness is gone, and sometimes I fear what I will do, what action I will take so I won’t feel lonely. But that fear lasts only moments; I know I will do nothing, the fear is merely a temptation.

Loneliness for a man can be a dangerous thing. There is no end to the trouble he can get into. Thank God with me, and for me, that He is here, not allowing me to believe there is any truth to the idea that “I am alone”.

Good hope to you all.

To my brother Jim, I love you.

MY CREW

I suppose I should write something, huh?

It’s been a while since I have blogged regularly. That is probably going to change sometime soon. Some of my projects are winding down, and hopefully, life will resemble something more than work and sleep most of the time.

Not that it matters, because life being what it is, you find joy wherever you are, if you are aware. I have been aware, lately, that joy is when I am working. I know, that seems strange, but it is true. I find myself not looking forward to going to work, and then, somehow, throughout the day, my spirit is lifted.

The three fellows I have working with me right now are wonderful to work with. They show up on time, and the key words in this sentence are truly, “show up”. It wasn’t always that way. As recently as three weeks ago, I had a crew that just didn’t want to work. Several fellows would work three, maybe four days maximum in the week, and the rest of the days, they would come up with a convenient excuse as to why they couldn’t be there. One fellow recently had his grandfather die for possibly the third time in one year. Seriously.

Poor fellow. I can’t imagine the grief.

But the guys I have now are salt, let me tell you. The youngest, Aaron, is a transfer from California. When I asked him why he decided to move to this sometimes very cold place, he answered, “My pregnant girlfriend’s family, and she, decided to move here because of a new job for her father, so I decided I wanted to follow.” Good for him. We all wait joyfully, hopefully, and expectantly, for the birth of their child, due any day now.

Aaron is a wonderful, quiet young man of twenty-three. No job is too menial for him, and by that, I mean, NO JOB. He will sweep floors, pick up trash left by other contractors around the jobsite, and if that’s not enough, tape cardboard to newly painted doorframes so they are protected from damage before the opening. Already he has protected over fifty doors, and there remain another fifty at least. He does it all with such a pleasant attitude, I am almost ashamed to give him these tasks. The trouble is, he doesn’t have much experience, but he is learning, as I try to have him help me every so often installing cabinets.

Then there is Casey, my partner in crime, so far as installing cabinets go. He is an admitted rock-star wannabe, complete with a Sammy Hagar look-alike haircut and bead necklace. Casey is going through a rough spot right now. His live-in, on again, off again girlfriend is playing games, and it is wreaking havoc on my forty-something friend. We talk almost every day about how he is feeling, what it is doing to his heart, and what he should do. The truth is, I don’t know what he should do. But I do hope he gets rid of that girlfriend, she sounds an awful lot like my ex-wife. The similarities are amazing, to say the least. No one should have to live with someone that judgmental.

Finally, there is Jim. When Jim first arrived on the jobsite, he was very quiet, hardly talked to anyone. Over time, however, we have come to draw him out a bit, and let me tell you, Jimmy is a character. He just has this way of saying things that causes me to burst out laughing. Recently, Jimmy’s name on this jobsite has changed. We now call him Jimmy The Doorframe. It’s a mafia spoof on the job he has been working on for almost a month now, stripping and sanding old metal doorframes so they can be painted. And Jimmy is very, VEEEERY protective of these doorframes. Now you know why Aaron has been taping cardboard to them.

I fully understand Jimmy The Doorframe’s obsession with protecting the doorframes. Each one takes half a day to bring to the point where it can be painted.

There is another reason he is called Jimmy The Doorframe. He is huge. He stands five foot ten inches tall, and weighs all of two hundred seventy pounds, little of it muscle. Lest you think I am making fun of him here, please be informed that Jimmy would be the first to say it’s true. He is jolly about his weight, and no one is going to tell him to lose any of it. There will be no silly diets in his future, so far as he can control things. He enjoys food, and to him, it’s all good for you.

Jimmy The Doorframe fits his name, and the mafia spoof is well portrayed, when you consider that many mafia hit men in the movies have been huge men who didn’t have time to diet. We kid him sometimes that if someone messes with his doors, they’ll learn the real reason he is called Jimmy The Doorframe. He just laughs in his unassuming way, and goes back to sanding. He is like the Terminator, he never, ever stops.

And then there is me, in this motley crew. I supposedly am the glue that holds us together, this foursome who works hard as we can for ten hours a day. I have a nickname, too, “The Hammer”. I don’t really know why I am called that, unless it’s my obsession with “fixing” everything with a hammer when it doesn’t work the way I think it should. Seriously, though, that really hasn’t happened more than three or four times on this project.

There was this one instance where a fellow named Gaylord, whom I mentioned a while back, blew up at me. Apparently, I was walking toward him with a hammer lazily swinging from my right hand as he berated me. Honestly, I remember the being berated, I do not remember having the hammer in my hand.

That’s us, my crew which is now charged with bringing this project to a close. It will be finished……oh yes….it will be finished….. or it will learn the meaning of the word “hammer”!

God bless us all, even Jimmy The Doorframe.

IS THE LAW DEAD?

I have had some very touching, and interesting conversations these last few months with some good blogging friends, as well as some people here in the physical world as well.

Several of these discussions center around this idea that the “law” is dead, and that there is no such thing as sin anymore. I will attempt to answer just a few of the arguments regarding commandments and sin.

Is there law anymore? Is there commandment? Most certainly, there is, and I need only two sentences to refute the idea that the law, and commandments are dead forever.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34,35

The argument made by some who believe that the law is dead is that it died on the cross with Jesus, and that it no longer has any authority over us. I speak nothing of the rest of the law, I do not need to. For the law is summed up by the two greatest commandments, Love the Lord my God, and love my neighbor as if he is me. The entire law and the prophets are summed up in these two commandments, and if they aren’t enough, Jesus called His “commandment” a new commandment. It hardly seems possible that He would have given His disciples a new commandment, and then killed it immediately on the cross, making it completely redundant and ridiculous.

So, is there still law?

Depends on your opinion of what the law really is.

I will be called a legalist for writing this, if not out loud, then certainly, there are those who will think it. How’s that for prophecy? I say, they say it or think it because they do not understand, but one day, they most certainly will. God will reveal to anyone the truth, and the fact that Jesus’ new commandment is still a viable commandment is truth which cannot be intellectually argued against.

But let's suppose that there is no more law, that we are “free” to do as we please, and that God winks at everything we do. Oh, that’s maybe a bit strong, but, really, not that strong. After all, if we believe we can do what we want to anyone we want, and God is hostage to His love for us, then we do not think all that highly of God at all, do we? When we say there is no more sin, we call “evil” good. You can argue against that statement all you want, but you will never change the fact that evil is still evil, regardless of what Jesus did on the cross. And if we claim to be without sin because everything we do is now good, then we are liars.

The law being what it had been, was “summed” up by Christ on the cross, but He didn’t do away with it in the way you think. He defined it, married it, took the penalty for our breakage of it, and then put His eternal stamp of approval on the SUM of the law. Therefore, the law is still very much alive, and we, who are born of the Spirit, do not nullify the Law, rather, we fulfill it through Christ, just as Paul said.

So, is the law still in effect? Yes. Are the consequences of the law still upon us? No. For how could we face consequences of that which we have already fulfilled, and fulfill daily through Christ, by faith?

Rather, shouldn’t we obey the law effortlessly? Shouldn’t the law be written on our hearts, the voice of which is the loudest within our lives? And just what is this law written on our hearts?

It is the sum of the entire law, to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, and soul, and to love our neighbor as our self, which is summed up in “Love one another”. For to love one another, we must already have the love of God in our hearts, otherwise, it is impossible for us to love one another, we aren’t even disciples if we have not the love of God within us.

How do I know this? Because any kingdom without law is not a kingdom at all, rather, it is anarchy. And how is God’s Kingdom described right within the pages of our bibles? It is a Kingdom of the government of Christ, which by definition, could never be then a kingdom without law. God’s Kingdom, you can rest assured, is an orderly Kingdom, and no kingdom without law will ever be anything but disorderly.

Try as you might, you cannot kill the new commandment Christ gave to us, which is to love one another, and you cannot kill the law written on our hearts, which is summed up in this new commandment. Christ came to fulfill the Law, and if we FOLLOW Him, then we FULFILL the law as well, through Him, or what else do you suppose it means to follow Him? How can we be crucified in Spirit if we have not this love Jesus spoke of? How can we be His followers if we have not been crucified? Didn’t He Himself say that if we loved Him, we would keep His commandments?

How would it be possible for us to keep His commandments if He had killed that new commandment the moment He spoke it? No, His law is still alive, you can rest in it.

Yet you might say, “But Jesus Himself said He didn’t come to judge the world, but to save it.”

I would answer that He said that right before He said this,” He who rejects me and does not receive my sayings, has One who judges him, THE WORD I SPOKE IS WHAT WILL JUDGE HIM AT THE LAST DAY”.

What is that word? Notice He didn’t say “the word I spoke is what will judge him every day in this age.” Or, “The word I spoke is that there is no judgment”, or, “the word I spoke is that there will no longer be law, therefore, there can also be no judgment.”

Rather, He said there is One who judges, and that one is His word. Now, only God in the flesh could get away with saying this, and still make sense. If I said it, I’d be saying I am two different people, and it would make no sense whatsoever. But the point is, if there is no law, how can there be need of any judgment whatsoever?

Here’s the kicker. You cannot get past this. Jesus fulfilled the law alright. He fulfilled every last bit of it, BEFORE he died. If that law was fulfilled, and then became nullified because He fulfilled it, then His death was absolutely unnecessary towards redemption. Unless……..unless…….

Unless He didn’t kill it.

Jesus fulfilled the law. He defined it, summed it up, and gave His eternal blessing on it as summed up by Him. We who follow Him are only able to fulfill it because of, and through Him. We cannot do it by our merit or our effort. We can only do it because He did it first, and if we follow Him, then we have that same love He has.

What is the sum of the law? Love! And love is not dead, for love is life, and without love, there is no life, therefore, without law, there is no life either. If you say you believe there is no law, then by that definition, you must also say that you believe there is no life, because you cannot have one without the other, you cannot have life without love, which is the law of God’s kingdom.

Deny this if you must, if you even can. But in argument, you cannot refute it. Jesus did not give His disciples a new commandment only to do away with that commandment immediately after He spoke it.

So how does this all fit in with grace? Perfectly. For without grace, love is not possible. Grace is not just redemption. It is more than that. It is God’s love poured into us, and overflowing out of us, onto others, those “one another’s” that Jesus spoke of. Didn’t Jesus call the water He would give us a river flowing unto eternal life? Doesn’t that make perfect sense, when you finally understand that the law of life in God’s Kingdom is indeed love, and that this love is poured into us from God’s grace? That is why our faith is not our own, why we cannot even brag about it, because without God’s love poured into us, none of us even knows what love is, and therefore, cannot pour out love onto one another.

The LAW is not dead. The Law is love, and as Christ lives, so does the Law He summed up, and fulfilled, and then gave to us, His disciples, as a new commandment. And that law was acknowledged and approved of by Christ when He rose from the dead, proving that you can kill the flesh, but you can never, ever kill love. We who follow Christ cannot die, because we have the love of our Abba abiding in us, which means daily, WE FULFILL THE NEW COMMANDMENT. That is why there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Argue if you must, but when you see the law of the Kingdom as love, then everything Jesus said about the kingdom makes sense. And we can never, ever fulfill that law with our efforts, or by our merit. We only fulfill it with love given to us in overflowing amounts from God. That is why I said the other day, "Look inside of your heart, and see the love God has poured out within you." God is always the initiator, and any efforts we make is but a response to the love of God within us. There is law in this Kingdom, that law is love, and the King of this Kingdom has provided it all.

WIND

It is evening right now. My daughter, who is suffering through second degree burns from a horrible sunburn she received the other day, just attempted to put Aloe Vera with Menthol on one of her burns. Apparently, menthol is not something you would want to put on a second degree burn. The pain she felt from it was so intense, she came into my office, tears streaming down her face. All I could offer was some ice, and after a couple of minutes, some smiles and laughs.

I was outside just after the ice took care of her pain, looking up into the sky, when I was buffeted by an extremely strong gust of wind. Just the moment before, I was asking God to help her handle the pain. The wind came immediately.

Coincidence? I don't know. I don't believe in coincidences, and there was something about this "buffeting" that seemed full of God. The wind gust was strong, like a warrior on attack, yet gentle and affirming at the same time. It hit me on my left side and surrounded me, sending the most pleasant sensation up and down my spine. It lingered for a few moments, and then it was gone.

Maybe I am making too much of a normal gust of wind. But then, can I make too much out of a gust of wind that God created? Is that possible? Isn't it rather probable that we don't give enough credit to God's creations?

I don't know. I am seeing God in so much more these days, and it has nothing to do with being "good". Sure I want to please Him in my actions, who doesn't? But what I am seeing physically around me gives ME pleasure. And here I thought I was created for HIS good pleasure. I wonder, is that another one of those Bible verses we only got half-right? Are we maybe here so God can pour out on us His pleasure also?

My daughter is better now, the pain is gone, or has at least subsided. Thank you God, for the wind that buffets and surrounds me, and the whisper of laughs that heals her.

THE LOVE OF GOD POURED OUT

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God Romans 8:28……..EVEN OUR SINS (Tom Reindl, 1:1)

Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5

With just these two verses running around in your head, you could live the rest of your life completely without fear or anxiety. And I am not talking about memorization here. For in order for something to run around in your head, it has to be in your heart, and….whoops, it already is in your heart. (The love of God has been poured out within our hearts).

How much love can your heart hold? The love of God poured out, that’s how much.

I have been talking about striving a lot lately. The word “strive” strikes some people differently than others. For me, it doesn’t mean performance, rather, it means doing the best I can with what I have been given, not toward reward, but toward living the life that I couldn’t build myself. This life I am speaking of is full, abundant, and full of things to do, like watching my daughter grow up, playing, working, lazing around, reading, learning, writing, and all other manner of wonderful things that used to cause such pride in me, I thought my head would explode. But there is no pride left in doing these things anymore. There is just the joy of being able to do it, of not being bored with life, of a continuous celebration because now I am free to do and free to be.

I understand so much more now than I used to. I used to think I had to be good, that everything I did had to be perfect. I used to strive as hard as I could to treat people well, but not because I loved them, rather because I thought I had to do it. Now, I do these things because I love to do them, and “having” to do them no longer exists.

Yes, I have to wake up in the morning if I am going to do anything. There are still some things I have to do, like breathe. But the things that used to cause pride in me, the things that I used to do out of fear are now things I do because I know Romans 5:5. That’s right, the love of God is poured out within my heart. It’s no wonder I love doing these things. And when I do them, I know that Romans 8:28 is true, even if I fail, even if I sin.

Imagine that, if I sin, God uses it toward my good, working it together with everything else. I don’t know these things perfectly, but I am coming to know them more and more, and life is getting better and better. Dive inside of your heart, and experience the love of God poured out within you.

NOTHING TO PROVE AND NO ONE TO IMPRESS

It has been my experience in the five years that I have been coming to know Yeshua that He never expects me to prove myself to Him.

It has been my experience all of my life that almost every human being expects me to prove myself to them, almost all of the time. They would never come out and say this, of course, but it’s there, lurking just beneath the surface.

When I was a child, and up until I was the age of about twenty-three, I would make statements about what I was going to do with my life, and would be immediately hit with a comment like, “You talk foolish”, or “You don’t know anything, that’s ridiculous”.

Amazingly enough, I never let comments like that discourage me. I didn’t necessarily use them as fuel, either, although I certainly could have. Instead, I just put my mind to accomplishing something, and didn’t stop until I succeeded. Around the age of Twenty-five, I realized that if I wasn’t successful in something, it was usually due to something I had done wrong, maybe some flaw in my planning, or some self-destructive trait in me. So I began to set my mind to eliminating these things, and some success followed. Yippee.

Then, I lost everything when my wife left me. I lost my daughter three days a week, my wife, companionship, my house, and strangely enough, my job, through a lie a fellow employee told about me, which my boss believed. Just prior to all of this happening, I had come to faith in Christ, realizing I could never save myself, never resurrect myself, and never come close to perfection. The one week where I lost everything totally broke me. But I had Jesus, and although at times,. Life didn’t seem worth being around for, He was enough.

As I grew to know Jesus, it struck me as odd that believers would also question my experiences, and my insights, as if I couldn’t possibly know what I knew. Some would make comments such as, “how do you know this, since I have been a believer all of my life, and I didn’t even know that?” My answer would always be, “I don’t know”, because I didn’t.

I would talk about grace in ways that people hadn’t heard before, and some would be encouraged, but there were always some who would tell me, “Don’t go spreading that around, or you’ll see a bunch of people doing whatever they want, whenever they want. And by the way, how the hell do you know you are right?”

Answer? “I don’t know, ask God.”

For the most part, people have always tried to get me to prove myself to them. I don’t know why. And see, the thing is, I can tell when they are doing it, they don’t have to come out and say it, I just know. The temptation to do just that, to prove myself to them, is strong. There are times I want to tell people why I know what know, I want to give them irrefutable evidence of what I know, so that they will just shut up. The temptation to do so, as I said, is very strong.

But I won’t do it.

Sometimes, I don’t gather the fact that they are trying to get me to prove myself, and I go about trying to explain myself without being hurtful. That always ends up being a pointless exercise.

But I will not prove myself.

You see, I have nothing left to prove. I have no one to impress. And I have nothing left to gain. I have already gained the only thing I need, LIFE through Jesus.

Both believers, and people who don’t believe will disbelieve some of the things we tell them. They will disbelieve our experiences, and they will probe around the words we say, using every little thing they can to “label” us. I was labeled “performance oriented” the other day. I found that odd, but interesting, and yet overall, I knew I was labeled as such because the one who said it merely doesn’t understand what I have been saying. And that’s okay.

I am not going to spend time proving that I am not “performance oriented”. I know the truth, and any explanation I give remains at the mercy of the one reading it. Yet I am at no one’s mercy, so why should I do the things that would leave me a prisoner to someone else’s opinion?

If you want to believe that I am performance oriented, or that I rely too much on grace, or maybe I don’t have the “experience” to know the things I know, go ahead. If you want to label me a heretic, go ahead. If you want to call me a fool, well…I am a fool, a fool for Jesus. And that’s okay, too.

I wish believers wouldn’t test everyone the way they do. I wish we could all accept the experiences of those we claim to love. But since that hasn’t happened whole-scale yet, rest in the fact that you have nothing left to prove, and no one to impress. Since Jesus doesn’t condemn us, let others do so in folly. We find our identity in Him, not in the opinions of people who don’t have enough information to make good judgments. If we rely on man for our identity, we are to be pitied most of all creatures.

IF I WANT TO KNOW GOD

As I have been writing about freedom and striving lately, I thought I’d give my take on what we are free to do.

Rather, maybe I should explain myself better here. I would like to write about “disciplines”, and how we are free to engage in them. But first, I must explain my view of what a discipline really is. You can take this view and trash it if you like, it won’t bother me any.

As I have been coming to know the grace of God more each day, it has struck me that we have a somewhat backwards view of “discipline”. Bar none, every person I have talked with or written back and forth to has a negative view towards discipline. Some may view the actual result of discipline as something good, but every single person I have spoken with views discipline as hard work, as almost sacrifice, if you will. I have yet to meet the person who views discipline as a way of life, as a matter of natural course, rather than as something that takes incredible effort for “expected” yield.

One question I have is this; in your profession, can you come to the fullest expectation and appreciation of your field by a hit or miss philosophy? In other words, can you be as full in your profession as possible by doing as little as you can to get by?

I’m not talking about success here, because in this world, at this present time, everyone measures “success” differently. But I am talking about what we hope to get out of something.

So here’s what I think, and again, feel free to trash it, but as you trash it, understand that for this man, you are trashing something that has proven to work, time and again. In other words, disagree away, but I am no liar in this area, I wouldn’t write this if I didn’t already know where it takes me.

I think that if we want to know the Bible, we should read the bible, regularly. That is not a law, it’s just a fact. We aren’t born with an innate knowledge of what Jesus said to the Pharisees in a given situation. To find out, we must read what He actually said. So as I said, if we want to know the bible, we must read it. There is no getting around this simple fact, as I have yet to meet the person who was born knowing the Bible and what it means, AT ALL. God could do so, He could grant a person that instant knowledge, I have no doubts of that. But I haven’t seen it yet.

I think if we want to know God, then we must spend time with Him. That is not a law. We are free to spend time with Him, and we are free to ignore Him. But if we want to know Him, we are going to have to spend time with Him, talking, listening, waiting, resting. As I said, this isn’t a law, but there is no other way I know of to get to know God better than to spend time with Him, in whatever form that takes. For some, it’s a walk in nature. For others, it’s silence. For me, it’s a combination of several things, such as silence, prayer, nature, and the strange way I recognize how He speaks to me through interactions with my daughter.

I think if we want to do the things Jesus did, then we are going to have to learn WHAT He did, and then begin to put that into practice. We cannot ask the question, “What would Jesus do?”, and expect to make the right decision, if we do not know what He would do. Likewise, we cannot expect to do the things He would do if we wait until we are on the spot, and have to make a quick decision as to what is His way. Doing what He did isn’t an “on-the-spot” lifestyle, since none of us were born doing the things He did, or even knowing what He did. We all have responses that are much different “naturally” than what He would have done. So, in order for us to do what He did, our entire lives, in fact, even the WAY we make decisions, must be changed. We cannot expect to love one another on the spot, if all of our lives, we have never loved one another as Jesus did. In order for us to love one another, we must know Jesus, we must know His love, and we must be changed.

I will not speak of how that change occurs tonight. But, I would like to add that with everything I said here tonight, imagine if we did all these things already knowing God was completing the good work in us that He had started.

Discipline is not hard. It is a way of life. We are disciplined to love our neighbor poorly all of our lives. I have never met a person who loved his neighbor well unless he had been affected by the love of Christ. So I guess what I am saying is, discipline isn’t what we have been led to believe it is. Discipline is not hard work, rather, it is a natural way of life that has taken root and borne fruit. We go one way all of our lives; in order for us to go the other way, a change will have to happen. If all of my life I didn’t know the Bible, and one day I desired to know it, what, oh what, should I do?

I am free to do all things through Yeshua, who strengthens me.

I CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Paul wrote that.

How often have I read this, and merely believed that Paul was talking about being able to “put up with” bad circumstances? Let’s say , “every time”.

No longer. As I read through what Paul was talking about just before he said he can do all things, I realized Paul wasn’t talking about suffering alone. He was also writing about having abundance, which now sheds a different light on the meaning of “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I am coming to understand that Paul meant far more than being able to suffer whatever came his way, even though that kind of character trait is commendable to some degree. I am coming to understand that when he said he could do all things, he literally meant he could do all things. But he couldn’t do them by himself. In other words, he couldn’t live with much on his own power and understanding, nor could he live with little according to his own merit. But if Christ were in him, then, he could do these things.

So what other things might Paul have been able to do through Christ who gives us strength?

Unless the answer to that question is “every single thing we do or will ever do”, we aren’t giving the word “all” proper credit.

So could Paul have started a ministry through Christ? You bet he could. Could Paul have disciplined himself through Christ? Yes. Could Paul have learned more about God than he ever thought possible through Christ? Undeniably.

Well, if he could do those things, could he also strive to know God?

Some are not going to like my answer to that question, at least not on the surface of the answer. I merely ask you to think about what it means to be strengthened by Christ before you judge me as a legalist.

Can we strive to know God?

Absolutely, undeniably, completely, YES!

If we can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us, then we can truly strive to know God, because it is not our effort that upholds us, but Christ in us who is strengthening us for the task. But some might say, “being is better than doing". To which I answer, when did Jesus ever say that? In fact, my answer might be to say, “see how much Jesus did BECAUSE He knew the Father was in Him?”

Do not strive to earn, strive because you can. Do not stay put because you have to. Stay put because you can. If we believe we can do nothing, nothing is exactly what we will do. But how wonderful a life Paul led, exactly because he believed he could do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens us as well as Paul.

I can be poor, and I can live poor. I can be rich, and I can live rich. I can work hard, and I can do nothing. I can strive, and I can rest. And all these things I do through Christ who strengthens me, and none of these things “earns” more merit with God than the other

RELATIONSHIPS

A lof people wonder how they can become "free". Often, we wonder why we feel depressed, or miserable when we are alone. Many people I know cannot cope with being alone, in fact, they would do almost anything to not be. Take a gander at what Anthony DeMello had to say about how reliant we are on other people, in his book The Way To Love. .

Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking moment of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guilt they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or even think. And observe how even when you control them you depend on them and are enslaved by them. People have become so much a part of your being that you cannot even imagine living a life that is unaffected or uncontrolled by them.

That sort of gives new meaning to the idea that we desparately want to belong, doesn't it? And it is not wrong to want to belong. But so often with our lives and relationships, we approach things as if these relationships are the "end", and not a gift and pleasure given us from God. In other words, we make the relationships we have with people become more than what they really are. For some, the relationship may become life, while for others, it may become a possession. Still others will find that they are abused, and betrayed.

Yet inside, don't we want to rebel against such a thought? Haven't we been taught that relationships are good things? Of course we have, and of course they are. But unless we know Jesus and His love, I think our relationships will not be in a good position within our lives. Instead of being inner led, which is to be led by Christ, we end up outer-directed, which is to be led by circumstance and approval. That's not the healthiest way to live, especially if we draw our self-worth from our relationships with others.

So relationships are good, if they are rightly placed within our lives. But if our relationships with people control us, then sooner or later, let-downs, betrayals, and the winds of change will blow our neatly stacked house of relationship cards down.

There is only thing that will lead us to be free, even of control from others. That one thing is to know the love of Christ. Nothing else is well placed within our lives if we do not know that. The Kingdom of God is not just some far off Disney looking place with spires and diamonds in our future. The Kingdom of God brings true order into our lives, places "things" within their proper perspective, and frees us from judging circumstances and people based on outer appearances and feelings. In other words, seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you as well. Even good relationships with people.

LEARNING HOW TO LOVE

If I can love myself, I can love my neighbor.

But loving myself is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Oh, I’m not talking about ego problems here. No one has a bigger ego than I do. But “ego” is not love, ego is an imposter, a fake image of the real us. Having to come to my senses, and see the real me for what I am, well….. that’s different.

And what am I?

Now I know I am God’s very special child. I did not always know that. And because I didn’t, I acted like a very unspecial child. I thought of myself in terms of my ego. In other words, I never really knew the real me, until I met Jesus. And since that time, He has been tempering the harshness I am able to bring upon myself with reality.

I say, “I am a contemptuous person. I feel contempt at people, I judge the way they are, and I hold conversations in my mind about what I would say to them if I only had the guts.”

Jesus says, “No, you are not contemptuous. You have the wrong ideas, and you have learned all of your life to judge yourself by your understanding of what good is. You are deceived, Tom, that is what you are. But know that I love you, and am revealing the truth to you, whether you believe it or not.”

To which I answer, “But, Lord, I talk about people as if they are objects sometimes!”

Jesus answers, “Yes, Tom, you do. In time, you will talk about people as I talk about them, with love, and not contempt. But you saw through a glass unclearly all of your life, and now your eyes are opened. Reject the past, and embrace the hope I give you, it is your present and your future.”

Not that I have ever heard Jesus say these things with an audible voice. I am just coming to know His voice. But I’ll tell you a secret I learned. I don’t recognize His voice if too many voices are speaking at once. For me, I want silence when I need to hear Him. It’s the only way I know it’s Him speaking. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to talk with Him, and chew gum at the same time. But for now, I am content with the silence.

He’s teaching me how to love, by teaching me how much He loves me.

WE BELONG

If you were raised anything like I was raised, with two parents who loved you, then you might be able to relate to what I am going to write tonight.

We are children of God, being adopted by Him through faith in Jesus Christ.

Why do we try nearly endlessly to please Him? Why do we try nearly endlessly to make ourselves “better”? Will we be more a part of His family if we succeed?

I have written a few posts recently about striving, and I fear some have misunderstood my meanings. I won’t explain striving in any great length tonight, but I will stress the fact that we are already members of God’s family. Having said that, let it be understood that striving isn’t the means through which we become a part of God’s family, or even the means by which we become more a part of God’s family. Striving is a means by which we accomplish what we set out to do, be it at work, at play, or in spiritual learning.

If we set out to learn something, we will have to strive for it. In the case of spiritual growth, that striving doesn’t earn us God’s pleasure. It earns us nothing but the fulfillment to do everything we do as if we are doing it for the Lord. And even our striving has been provided for us by Him. So then we know there is nothing we do that has not been generated by God, including our striving at anything.

But to get back to the point of this post, if you had two parents who loved you, or even one, or even a “family”, did you have to try really hard to be a part of it? Or were you already accepted the moment you were born?

I will not speak of those families where abuses occur, because the actions of the abusers have destroyed the family, and thus, the abused must seek a new family. But may I venture to say that if our birth family is either accepting of us or not, neither is the world? And since we are all descended from Adam, we are all a part of a much larger family, one in which we did nothing except to be born, in order to belong.

Having said that, we can all honestly say in some forms that in the larger family through Adam, we have been abused, and sought a new family. Through grace, we have been adopted into that new family, and just as we did nothing except be born into Adam’s family, we also did nothing except be adopted into God’s family.

There is one major difference of course…….God chose us.

Listen, when you are chosen, you are wanted. Not for what you have accomplished, because none of us have ever accomplished anything that made us worthy to see God’s Son slaughtered for our sake. Rather, you are chosen because God in His mercy wants you near.

So we make mistakes, and we choose wrongly, and we punish ourselves, because we think that is what is necessary. Yet even if we do that, still, we are accepted into God’s family. So why do we act as if we have to be better tomorrow than we were today? In fact, why do we believe we have to be progressing in faith?

I do not believe we have to. I believe it is up to God to complete that work of progression within us. I believe our sole action in this world is to respond. And how do we respond? By accepting God’s good favor upon us.

Through that acceptance then, we will learn through God a better way of living. We will learn freedom. And we will learn love.

And the heart that is loved and knows it is the only heart where “obedience" isn’t an effort, but a natural response to any circumstance.

Have you accepted the FACT that you belong yet?

HAVE WE HEARD THE LAST OF BAAL?

Is God’s wrath against man alone?

Imagine our God, who has created the heavens and the earth, working His wonders upon the earth night and day.

Imagine an imposter named Baal, a “man” of renown, of legend. This imposter was supposedly born of a virgin mother, and died at the hands of the Phoenician god of death. According to legend, this imposter rose from the dead.

Baal, the original antichrist.

Beelzebub, another name for Baal, and a name for Satan, the snake, the deceiver, cursed more than any other of God’s creation because of his deception of Eve.

God’s wrath did not originate with man, it originated with Satan. It will end with Satan. Check out then, if you are willing, the story of Baal, and of all the gods of ancient cultures. Surprisingly, you will find that every culture’s gods have a twin in a different culture. That’s because idolatry began in Babel, and the origins of false gods all come from the same place.

Flash forward to the Revelation of Jesus Christ, chapter 13, verse 11-15

Then I saw another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb and he spoke as a dragon.

He exercises all the authority of the first beast in his presence. And he makes the earth and those who dwell in it to worship the first beast, whose fatal wound was healed.

He performs great signs, so that he even makes fire come down out of heaven to the earth in the presence of men.

And he deceives those who dwell on the earth because of the signs which it was given him to perform in the presence of the beast, telling those who dwell on the earth to make an image to the beast who *had the wound of the sword and has come to life.

And it was given to him to give breath to the image of the beast, so that the image of the beast would even speak and cause as many as do not worship the image of the beast to be killed.

I told a friend today we have not heard the last of Baal. I don’t know that there are any Baal worshippers out there in this world today, but I do know that Baal will be back. How do I know? Because he is the first beast of Revelation 13. His name is Beelzebub, Satan’s deception. Many are going to follow this deception, and I believe this deception is the very man of lawlessness that Paul speaks of in 2 Thessalonians 2:3.

Baal is merely a legend, formerly. But there will be a man who will figuratively be Baal, just as Satan will be also be revealed. And this Baal, as he once did to the Israelites, will mislead many of mankind once again.

There are many today who claim that God’s wrath was spent on Christ at the cross. But Baal and Satan are not men. Satan is of old, a creature who is spirit, full of lies and murder. And all who will follow Baal and Satan will do so at their own risk. The first beast will perform miracles and signs through power not his own, to mislead many into believing he is the returned Christ.

Baal has always been a false god, and a false Christ, misleading many. And the wrath of God toward Satan for this deception will come upon him in full. So when you hear of people saying, “The Lord has ALREADY returned, and the man of lawlessness appeared a long time ago”, do not be misled into thinking that God’s wrath toward Satan was fully incensed because some idiot sacrificed a pig in the Temple a long time ago. That so-called man of lawlessness never once did any attesting signs of wonder to stake his claim upon the title some give him.

The deceptions of Satan have always been to take the truth, and twist it into a believeable lie. The purpose of Baal was to take credibility away from the prophesied Christ. The next time, it will be an attempt to take the glory away from God completely. Watch and see how victorious God will be in all of this.

Hard to believe? About as hard to believe as a bunch of Israelites lighting the arms of their Baal on fire, placing their infant child in its arms, and then having an orgy in rythym with the screams of the burning, dying infant. That is exactly how Baal was worshipped at some times.

Sorry if this is heavier than what I normally write. This is what is on my mind tonight.

STRANGE THOUGHTS FROM A STRANGE JOURNEY

I have been thinking about this strange journey I am on.

I think each day I am more aware of God’s love for me. Yet I do not understand how that is possible, since each day, I am more aware of how much of nothing I really amount to. A short while back, I made a statement which said I have to learn to accept the fact that God loves me, even though I smoke cigarettes. I have to learn to accept who I am, regardless of “what” I am.

Failure to do so will result in me judging what God refuses to judge any longer. In essence, might I not, at that point, be claiming that I know more than God? Now that’s a scary thought. If I know more than God, you all are in big trouble. BIG TROUBLE INDEED.

So I have this contradiction I am faced with each day. I know I am not without faults. In fact, I am pretty sure I am full of them. And yet I also am more and more aware of God’s love for me. Is it possible that we might only know of God’s love when we are also aware of our wounds?

A while ago, say six years, I was pretty sure that I was a pretty good guy. I paid my taxes, worked hard at my job, was better at it than anyone I knew, and treated my family pretty well, at least I thought. But I was absolutely clueless as to how God felt about me. I thought, “Sure, He’s probably pretty pissed at me for a few things, but the good stuff I have done ought to be enough. It really ought to be enough. Anyway, I can’t concern myself about that right now, since I have a life to lead, and everything is going pretty well.” My oh my oh my, how blind we can be.

Today, I am pretty certain that I am a piece of crap, not very nice in my thoughts, completely addicted to smoking, and I know right now that I have never done even one thing in my life that made me deserving of joy. In short, I should burn in hell. I can’t understand how God could love someone like me. At least, I can’t understand according to how I have lived my life.

But I have this new life, in Christ, and it makes me FEEL differently. Yes, there are many times I am pretty much “blah” about my relationship with God. Sometimes, honestly, I’d just rather sleep, than talk with Him. And it isn’t because I want to hide, or because I don’t love Him. It isn’t even because I think He is angry with me. Heck, when I think He is angry with me, I RUN AS FAST as I can toward Him, not wanting it to be true ever. No, I just sometimes feel “blah”.

You know what? I think God would rather have us addicted to cigarettes, and running back to Him, than perfect, and standing tall without wounds that require His healing touch.

I wonder……..

I know that quitting smoking, and stopping myself from a whole host of inner contempt will make me physically healthier. But……will I be spiritually healthier?

If I exercise, and look good, will I BE good? If I serve others with all my might, and I know that serving others isn’t bad, will I be any better in the eyes of the Lord than I am right now?

Just some strange thoughts from a strange man on a strange journey.