I am lonely tonight. I just had a good cry, and I’m not afraid to admit that, even as a man. I was expecting my daughter to be with me tonight, and she isn’t able to be. I don’t know what it is about expectations that can crush our spirit so.
I could say I should know better, but in the midst of my tears, I felt Abba whispering, “Let them all out, Tom, don’t hold back.” As if He expected this, and planned it. This is the first good cry I have had for a while, save for yesterday, which was only a steady stream of silent tears as I listened to a young woman who comes to my church building tell the story of her husband's death. So tears two days in a row. Not bad, considering I don’t think I have shed tears in many moons.
Actually, I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me for the lack of tears. I was feeling as if I had lost some compassion or something, maybe I was becoming the same heartless, cold person I used to be around the age of twenty. But listening to that young lady tell her story opened up the valve a little, and tonight, the dam burst.
I feel better now, having felt God’s presence in my tears, not that the loneliness is gone, and sometimes I fear what I will do, what action I will take so I won’t feel lonely. But that fear lasts only moments; I know I will do nothing, the fear is merely a temptation.
Loneliness for a man can be a dangerous thing. There is no end to the trouble he can get into. Thank God with me, and for me, that He is here, not allowing me to believe there is any truth to the idea that “I am alone”.
Good hope to you all.
To my brother Jim, I love you.