I left the following as a comment at a friend's blog, and I thought I’d share it with you all. Not that I am tooting my own horn, but I think the question inside of this post is a good question each of us might ask ourselves.
Why do you think you aren't "where you should be"? Besides the fact that you envisioned some "fantasy" about where you would be as a Christian, where exactly should you be right now?
Is God surprised? And if He isn't, is there something wrong with Him, too? Or does He really see the real place you should be?
This Kingdom living isn't all peaches and cream, brothers and sisters. The last thing we need is to judge ourselves, badly. I have met so many who feel just like you do, that you should be this, or you should be that.
Well, what exactly should you be?
Possibly, you aren't going to like this answer I give you.
You should be a child. A child without pretense, a child who doesn't wear masks, a child who definitely needs her daddy so she can be fed, clothed, coddled, and kept alive, at the bare minimum.
Yet whenever I talk with believers, even many who say they are free, the common theme of their lives is, "I should know better", or "I have a lot to learn, too."
All these things are terms we use when we measure success. Tell me , does a child measure success? Or is she in it for the glory?
When my daughter was young, she only played when everything was alright, when she felt safe. In fact, I always knew she felt safe and loved, if she was playing. She stopped playing when things weren't right, and had to have them right in order to feel free enough to play. Otherwise, she had to be near me. She'd check in to see that I was there, or she'd plop right into my lap, and hug me for a bit, and I'd hug her back, and talk with her the way only Daddies can. Then, she'd be off playing again.
As her father, I never loved her less just because she left me to go play. In fact, I knew she felt secure because she played. I loved the moments when she would come see me, and show her love, but I also loved watching her play. I still do.
So, where should you be ?