I haven’t had (or made) much time for blogging lately. So, if you were wondering why I wasn’t commenting on your site recently, fear not, I still love all your pages, and will visit soon again. Life has just gotten hectic one more time, and I feel disorganized because of it. Or maybe I feel like because I got so stupidly busy, it must mean that I am disorganized.
Regardless, I have only a few things to say tonight. The first is to encourage you all to remember honesty before God. I have been reminded of this constantly, and even though I am sure I still remain dishonest before Him in some ways, I know that for the better part, He has taught me to be silent before I say a dishonest word.
And, I must say I agree that it is always better to come before Father in silence rather than with many words; words, I might add that are probably a bunch of fluff anyway.
Learning who God is, and how to respond to Him because of that is the great privilege of my life right now. And because He does the teaching, and the instilling of faith and familiarity, I am free. Free to be honest without fear. Free to live in a way I never lived before. Let me explain very briefly.
It used to be that when my divorce was final, I feared that I would remain alone for the rest of my life. I thought at some point it might be nice to marry again, to meet someone, fall in love, and share my faith and life with that person. Only now, I no longer fear being alone, nor do I fear that I will never marry again. In fact, as things are right now, it would take an absolute miracle to change my life in such a way that I could marry again.
I’ll leave that miracle in God’s hands. I am content to be alone, and at times, I wonder….would I even be able to get along with someone else now, having been alone for so long? The last thing I want to do is make someone miserable because I don’t work and play well with others (Kindergarten, anyone?)
So we’ll see where my life goes. I know this; although I dislike change and pain as much as anyone else, I can honestly say I agree with Paul at this point in my life, when he said he believed it was better not to marry, but if one burned with passion, that he should marry. I don’t really burn with passion anymore. I have my moments, but for a guy, passion is a major part of his makeup. I don’t have constant sexual desire anymore. In fact, the further I get away from marriage, the less I feel it. I wonder what that says about God’s plans.
Well, I’ll try not to read too much into “how I feel”. Let’s just let God write the story, and if there is someone for me, He’ll show me how it has to happen. Take care all of you, and may God bless you, and make His face to shine upon you.