I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT HERE

How much grace do I have anyway?

As much as I can give? More than I can use?

Is grace a measurable quantity? Does it have life in and of itself? Is it somehow lessened when I fail to share it? Is it weakened when I am unfaithful?

I cannot see how that could ever be so, because if it were, then God is captive to my faithfulness.

Lately I have been feeling more free. I really can’t explain it too well. I just know that despite what I do in everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, God loves me.

I suppose I could talk to you about my prayer life (whatever that is) and how I haven’t made too many “lonely” appointments with God; you know the kind, where you are alone with God.

Rather, He seems to be even more so on my mind, either in the background, or very much visible to my mind’s eye constantly. I don’t know if that is considered stream of consciousness, or prayer, or both. I don’t really care. I just like Him to be there, and I am not so afraid of Him seeing me fail anymore.

I used to dread the idea of God watching me, when I was young, and even recently. I didn’t like the idea that He could see me. I knew grace filled me, yet I did not want God to see the things I did.

I can’t really say I want to do bad things knowing God is watching anymore than I used to, but overall, the idea of Him watching constantly is becoming a lot more comfortable to me. Or maybe I should say “comforting”? Don’t know…

In case you are wondering, I also don’t know how I got here. I guess I'll just thank God and be silent for now.

Peace my friend, and good hope to you from the Father.