I AM SCUM, I AM FORGIVEN

Being totally accepted by God, and knowing it has changed a few things for me. It will certainly change many more things as well, but I think God is into taking His time with us, so I’ll be patient.

Part of the reason for this post is to come clean with you, and let you know that I am scum. Oh, I know, you’ll desire to let me know I am not, and that’s okay. Let me explain.

I am a smoker. Have been for eighteen years. During the last three years, I have buried myself trying to quit. I’ve tried nearly everything, except a lobotomy, which would probably take all reasoning functions from me, and leave me with the addiction.

I am okay with this addiction. I know, I know, the good book tells us not to be slaves to anything, and I am most certainly a slave to smoking cigarettes. Know what? I don’t care.

That’s right. I used to care. It used to bury me with guilt. At times, it still does. But I have given up trying to quit for the time being, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about that. What matters to me is what God thinks of me, and while I have been concentrating on trying to fix myself and my addiction, I have been missing the better life, at least as far as that addiction is concerned, of acceptance through Christ.

So let me ask you this; which is worth more, to quit smoking finally and claim victory over sin, or to be loved by God regardless of what I do?

Until we can accept who we are, and know that AS WE ARE God loves us, we have no business trying on new outfits of change. Because to attempt to change before we know and accept who we are must certainly lead to insanity. How can we accept who we are, if before we ever know who we are, we demand that we be changed?

I don’t care if I ever quit smoking. Okay, I do care, but not all that much, anymore. I’ve heard all the reasons why I should, I’ve tried all the methods, and I have buried myself with all of the guilt that is possible with this addiction. I couldn’t add any more guilt to it even if I tried harder. So what’s the point? I am scum, and I love myself.

Can you love me, even if I am scum? Can you? Or are you somehow disappointed in me? This isn’t humility, by the way. I am still an arrogant ass. umiltH Humility doesn’t come from direct efforts at humbling ourselves in front of everyone else. Humility comes from knowing who we are, and accepting it, faults and all. Because lets face it, the Christian belief is that none of us could save ourselves. Since that is the case, once we really know ourselves, wouldn’t it follow that we would naturally also know we have nothing to brag about?

I am scum. And I am forgiven. Smoking isn’t going to change that. It’s time I accepted that.