AFTER YOU, MY HEART

I feel like flying right now. My heart is leaping, my spirit is soaring…if only my body could go where my spirit and heart goes.

Is this the disconnect I feel sometimes? That my body does not go where my heart goes? Is it that detachment I feel when my limbs cannot reach as high as my spirit can? What an amazing and wonderful experience this is, yet it is simultaneously maddening and exasperating.

As I head towards my goal, what will be the ways my spirit will teach my body to follow? How long will it take?

I am so filled with emotion right now, that words elude me, and if you know anything about me, you know words rarely do that to me. But at this moment, I am actually typing at a snail’s pace, attempting to find words which will describe how I feel, and what it means.

I have been sitting tonight watching television, yet not really watching television, as I so often do. One of the things I do best when the tube is on is think. The themes, stories, or images cause my mind to go into overdrive, and if I’m not carefully watching, the television screen becomes a blankness to my mind, and my thoughts begin to tell a story of their own. Such has been happening tonight. For some reason, my thoughts have linked up with my heart, and my heart is soaring in places my body cannot yet follow.

I feel as though I am into the clouds on this starless night, searching for a break of open space, looking for a star anywhere, but not really caring if I find one. The flight is enough for me. Someday, my body will follow my heart; in fact, I think there are times it already does.

Is this joy? Is it happiness? I don’t know if I can give it a name, because it doesn’t hinge on any circumstance.

CONFIDENCE!

Is that it?...

Sort of. And peace. And joy. And hope. And anticipation. And , and, and.

You get the idea.

I feel like a child tonight…yes, that’s it! A child!

What a wonderful feeling. Is this what heaven feels like?